Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Keys...

And this is what we did this morning.... Imagine that my hand is the one on the bottom, waiting to receive said shiny things that open doors. It's over. We're homeowners. And I'm started to get a little bit excited. And that's big for me, actually.

For the last week or so, I've been battling buyer's remorse. There. I said it. There have been days when I've been sorry that I ever said "yes" to this house. Not because this house is a bad deal or ugly or doesn't have the things that will be best for our family in the coming years. All of these things get a big, practical, check mark beside them.

The thing I've been struggling with is that I had a certain criteria that was important to me, and I let myself be talked out of sticking to it. And I have been regretting not being true to myself in insisting that it does matter to me, even if it doesn't matter to lots of Americans. It was probably the right thing to be talked out of making the straw that broke the deal's back. I think all clues seem to be pointing to God wanting us in this particular house. But it doesn't mean I haven't been struggling with letting go of a deeply held desire.

David was kind enough to ask me if anything was bothering me or disappointing me about the house decision. If he hadn't asked, I don't think I would've let myself admit the cause of my sadness about leaving this place. Who wants to say to themselves, "I'm moving to my first home, and I don't want to right now." ? At this point in our marriage, we have a system for these kinds of conversations. David lets me talk out things and figure out how and why I feel a certain way by doing so, and he doesn't get angry with me if whatever I'm whining about isn't the end of the world because I admit that I'm spoiled and shouldn't be feeling this way and I know it... but I do, and it will be easier to get over if I can talk it out. It works for us. =)

So now I'm putting on my big girl panties and moving on. I'm thinking about all the great things about this house, and I'm looking forward to watching the wonderful house painter work his magic and turn it into something fresh and bright and new. I'm thinking about the incredible generosity of the friends from Sunday School who will be spending their Saturday putting up crown moulding for us in the living room. And I'm thankful for the mother of the seller, who came in and cleaned the house from top to bottom so that I don't have to. I have a lot of things to be grateful for...

We're going over there tonight to take some measurements before we head to Lowes. I'm praying for a thankful heart. Please pray that I will see only the good and not focus on the less than great. I'm trying...

2 comments:

Meredith@MerchantShips said...

House #5--and I've gotten buyers remorse for rvery single one of them.

For me, a temporary irrationality much like the baby blues, but it seems reasonable to second guess what is likely your largest purchase ever.

Momma B. said...

Maybe once you are in the house your doubts will disappear. That would be better than getting buyers remorse only AFTER you move in, right? We are excited for you!