Heal the Wound...

First, go here, and get this playing.....

This morning, I realized that God has now put someone unexpected in my life that I can help with the pain of infertility. I want to protect her privacy, but let's just say that there aren't many opportunities in the circles that I run in in our large church to meet someone struggling with trying to have their first child. (If you're a young married couple with a couple of small kids at our church, that's who you tend to know and spend time with primarily.) God, however, had other plans for me and for her. And I feel honored.

Despite all the ways I fail Him all the time, He hasn't given up on me. He's showing me ways that He wants me to reach out and share the compassion and hard fought healing that I've received from Him. I'm not too damaged to be a blessing for Him. Don't we all need to hear that sometimes?

This morning in the service, our high school girls' group sang this song. I hadn't heard it before, but I teared up when I did. I feel like I will carry the scars of infertility for many years to come, but I can turn that scar into a testimony of how far God has taken me, and the many things that He's shown me along the way.

Rockin' roller coaster...

Oh. My. Goodness. We were at a birthday party this morning, and they had this in their sloped backyard. It was AWESOME! Seth rode it over and over again, and he kept pushing it back up the hill every time. Great exercise. There are little grooves for the back wheels at the top, so it doesn't slide down as they're climbing on. Kids as old as 5 and 6 were riding it. I think I know what Evan is asking for for his birthday this year. =) Or maybe Seth. =) Or maybe I won't be able to resist and one of them will get an early birthday present. We have a sloping backyard with nothing in it, so this would be great. Oh, and its by Step 2. You should see the coaster for bigger kids. I think it would frighten Seth out of his mind, but maybe in a few years. =)

I cleaned up at a yard sale this morning. It feels like such a blessing to me. Basically, I decorate my house almost completely with yard sale or thrift store finds. I don't really care if things don't match or go together, and my current mantra is "If I wouldn't have it in my house exactly the way it is, I ain't buyin' it." (Though I may have a spray painting party with Terri over Thanksgiving.)

So at this one yard sale, I got: 5 oriental red rugs and hall runners, a green hall table, a kid's plastic step stool, a Lands End brown and black diaper backpack, a spring wreath, 3 picture frames, a Bob the Builder playset, 2 large soft plastic dinasours, several board and picture books, a basket, a wonderful easel with chalk and dry erase boards, and boy's sandals.... all for $15. I put out the rugs in the hallway and set the table in the hall and added some candles and flowers. It makes the hall look really... finished and nice. Pictures to come probably...

Talents...

I did all my Bible study for the week yesterday. True confession. =) But I did half during the day and half about 11:30 p.m. last night, while I waited for my pumpkin cranberry bread to cool enough to put on the orange glaze. (Yes, I'm holiday baking already.) But... it was a big whammy to the conscience all at once.

This week's lesson was on Luke 8, and there are several parables included there, like the parable of the sower and the seed. There are many times in my life where I feel like I'm the seed that fell on shallow ground who withered when hard times came because she had no root. When I see how much my faith took a hit by the hard time of infertility, I know how shallow it really was and is. And I feel that. Too often.

One of our cross references in the study this week was Matthew 25, the Parable of the Talents. Go here to read it. Got it? Good. One thing that both of these parables have in common is that they highlight the fact that we're supposed to do something with what God has given to us, grow a crop, invest in the kingdom of God, etc. And... if we don't invest, what we have will be taken from us. That's a big kick in the pants.

See, I can think of some things that I don't have anymore because I stopped investing in them. I took piano lessons for 6 years, but I've barely played for more than 10 years. I didn't use my talent, and I essentially lost it. I stumble and bumble all over the keys now. It's pathetic. So I see what God is saying when he says what he's given will be taken from me if I don't use it. But it still stinks.

See, sometimes, I'm like that worthless, lazy servant. I say to God, "Hey, God, you're a hard man." That's what the servant called him. What I think he's saying is, "Hey, God, I don't like you very much. I'm afraid of you, but I don't really want to do what you say because I'm ticked at you. So, since I'm afraid of screwing up, and I don't like you right now, I'm not going to do anything much." And God's response isn't too encouraging. As the servant might have predicted, he gets angry and throws him into the darkness.

So where does that leave me, a person with puny faith trying hard not to be angry at God sometimes because of the things He doesn't explain to me? It leaves me feeling like I'd better exercise my talents, or else, and also like maybe, if I did use the talents that He gave me a little better, maybe I wouldn't be so confused, frustrated, and angry sometimes. Maybe I would have more faith through the working out. Maybe, just maybe, I'd produce a much better crop. But I sure hate having my soil tilled to make it take seed better.

Last night, after I did my week's lesson, I played around on the computer, looking at blogs. And I stumbled across this. Bingo. A way to use the talents God has given to me, though I don't know why some days. I may have a puny amount of faith, and I may get angry sometimes, but I do still believe. I have to. And here are people asking questions, and I could answer them in my pj's from my own computer screen. Is it a coincidence that I ran across this right after that big kick in the patootie? I don't know. Maybe I'm the last person someone asking questions about God needs to hear from. I've got plenty of my own. But maybe this would help me remember all those verses I memorized years ago, help me remember why I believed it all in the first place, remember when my faith felt newer and fresher and more exciting... I don't know. Please pray for me that I will do this if its what God wants to me, and that I'll pass it by if it isn't.

Because I am God's field. What will I yield?

Custom shirt on the cheap...

This is my first attempt for DIY day at A Soft Place to Land. I've really enjoyed checking out the great projects, so I thought I'd dip my big toe in the water now. =) I have a 5-month-old, and I'm trying to lose baby weight. That means that a) very few of my clothes fit and b) I don't want to spend a lot on them right now. Enter the frugal customized shirt.

Here's how you do it. Go to Walmart and buy a shirt for $6. Count yourself lucky that it's not tummy hugging. Do a little cheer, and then go to the craft section and get a couple of colors of embroidery thread for $0.25 a piece. Pick up a cheap embroidery hoop and some needles if you need them. Straight pins are a good idea, too.

Take it all home, and get busy. Take various sized cans out of your pantry, trace around them on printer paper, and then cut out. Pin the circles on your shirt, playing around with the design. (You can see how I've done it above.) Then put your little hoop around each circle, and embroider around it. I used what is essentially a basting stitch because I'm lazy. =) It took me about an hour to do the whole thing.

I wore it to MOPs, and nobody could tell this was a DIY job. Pair it with some dark jeans, boots, and a scarf, and you've got style!

Our Halloween...

Last year, we didn't do anything on Halloween weekend... other than move all our belongings from one house to another. =) Yep, this weekend was the first anniversary of being in our new house. It seems like just yesterday that we moved in... until I think about all that has happened in my heart and life since we signed the contract.

This year, we decided to check out the harvest festival at church. Seth was a lion, and Evan was a 5-month-old punk rocker. I had originally planned for him to wear his baby bear winter outfit, but the high of 82 that day nixxed those plans. So I put him in a belly shirt that said "Party in my crib- 2 a.m.," striped pants, gave him a baby mohawk with gel, and put a cross earring on one tiny lobe with eyeliner. He was a Christian punk rocker after all. Ahem.

I have mixed feelings about Halloween. I don't want Seth and Evan to be involved in anything that glorifies death and evil. I don't want them celebrating blood and gore and guts. My family didn't do anything for Halloween when I was little, so this is new territory for me. But David's family did do some non-scary Halloween stuff, and he has much less mixed feelings about it. So, we went to the harvest carnival, and then we went trick or treating in the neighborhood.

I didn't live in a neighborhood growing up, so I'm still learning that dynamic, too. But walking around and knocking on the neighbor's doors, knowing they would be glad to see us, was a nice idea. Lots of lights were on, and there were plenty of glowing pumpkins on porches. Older neighbors that I'd never seen out before were on their front porches. And I didn't see any scary costumes. It was all little kids out in our neighborhood. And I realized something definitely good about Halloween. Unfortunately, there aren't many times in our American communities when people come out of their houses and welcome each other warmly. This is one of those few times, and I'm glad I didn't miss out on it. I don't know how we'll handle scary Halloween as the kids get older. That's still unexplored territory, but we found a way to do it that I can be comfortable with for now.

I sure would hate to miss out on the cute costumes entirely. And then there's the candy for Seth. He got to collect it, and we get to eat it. =)

Fall in the mountains...

Packin' up...

We're off in the morning, and I can't wait. I feel like a little kid who's having trouble sleeping because they're getting ready to go to Disneyworld. =)

Being so excited makes me a little nervous. I'm just waiting for something to go wrong, since we haven't done something like this before with two little kids. Have I mentioned that I can be quite the pessimist? I got it honestly; Dad is the stoic in our family who is pleasantly surprised when things don't go wrong. I take after him on some days. So if you think of us, pray that there are no disasters...

Packing for an undertaking of this magnitude requires extra effort on my part. I have 2 lists. One is for stuff we're taking, and the other is for food. I packed up all the non-refrigerated stuff tonight in paper boxes from David's office. I made spice blends for the soup recipes that I'm going to make to avoid taking a ton of little jars. I also have a large piece of paper sitting on the counter with things we can't pack until the last minute, and I've listed them as special "DON'T FORGET!" items.

I like to cook, but this is not the time to plan for a ton of scratch cooking, in my opinion. I'm making soup in the crockpot one day, and I'm also making a roast with potatoes in there. Brownies and gingerbread and pancakes are going to be from box mixes to simplify life. My big homemade splurge is butter rich bread dough. I made up a batch in my breadmaker today. It will make 24 rolls, and it will keep for a week in the fridge. I'll just tear it off, shape, and let rise for each meal. You've gotta figure out where you'll get the most bang for your effort, and only go there when you're on vacation.

We got in touch with a local friend of a friend who lives in the area, and she gave us some great tips on things to do with small children. They sound wonderful! And apparently there's a local outlet mall where I can do some real damage. Y'all, I have so little that fits right now that its pathetic. David and I agreed that its time for me to buy some clothes, so I'm going to enjoy myself doing that during naptime on a couple of afternoons. You know things are at a dire place when just about every sweatshirt you own is stained, and almost every sweater you own was inherited from your dad. Oh well, I won't look cute, but I'll be warm. We're supposed to have snow flurries on Saturday!

So if you think of me next week, imagine me curled up on the sofa under a down comforter, staring at a fire, with a cup of steaming cocoa in my hand. That's what I hope to be doing... =)

Evan at 4 1/2 months...

Evan is 4 1/2 months old, and he brings me more joy every day. I love to watch him grow and change. I took him in for his check up last week, and he weighs 12 lb., 11 oz., and he's 26 inches long. He's coming into his hereditary weight now, so I wasn't least bit surprised that he went from 50% in weight to 10th. I smiled when I heard it. Seth never got above the 15th percentile, and he was consistently in the bottom 5th from 4 months on. We make long, skinny kids in this family. =) Evan also definitely has my coloring. He's more pale than Seth ever was, and I hear that he has my shade of blue eyes. I've been told that he looks more like me than Seth does, but I'm not sure. What do you think?

We're thumb suckers around here (well, not us, the little boys anyway), and life has gotten significantly more pleasant since Evan found his two middle fingers. He's not a thumb man; he's all about the fingers. He sticks them in, rolls on his side, and he's good to go. Now that he's got this down, falling asleep on his own in the crib is a piece of cake for him.

Today Evan rolled from his back to his front. I pretty much missed it; I was dialing a phone number at the time, and then I noticed that he was fussing lying on his tummy, and I sure hadn't put him there. He's not a fan of tummy time, but I'm trying to give him about a minute of it every day. That's all he seems to be able to stand.

Evan takes 2 naps a day, usually an hour and a half at each, unless I put him in the bed with me. Then he'll nap longer. Sometimes he gets a short cat nap in the evening. He goes down at 8:00 and wakes up right around 8:00. Life is good. =)

He cooes and smiles constantly, and I LOVE how expressive he is. I get belly laughs from him if I give him lots of kisses on the neck or tummy. Seth does interact with him, and though he likes Seth, he's all about Mommy these days. I get his best smiles. Daddy probably earned them more than I because of all those hours he was up with him at night while I snoozed, but he's being generous with me. And I did get wretched heartburn with him and give up my figure, so there ya go...

Evan will usually be happy if he can just be touching somebody or getting their undivided attention. He's a people baby, that's for sure. And he's turning into a hip baby. Sniff. It's easier to let him ride there, but I miss the days when he was too tiny and wobbly to do that. I carry him around with me all day long, and he likes to nuzzle into my chest with my chin on top of his little head. I rub it there to get my Evan fix as I putter around the kitchen or get things for Seth. He's an extension of me right now whenever he's awake.

And he continues to take naps with me. There was a moment a couple of days ago where I thought he was going to give up sleeping with me. I was so relieved when I found out it wasn't true. That's the best part of having a baby, in my opinion. He curls up in the crook of my arm with his head on my shoulder, and I watch his dark lashes on his pale cheeks. It's mommy bliss.

I love you, sweet boy. Don't grow up too fast...

Learning to parent two...

Hi, everyone. It's late, and I should be in bed, but I felt like posting. Today has had its ups and downs, but we'll start with the good news first...

Drum roll, please. Evan, at the ripe, old age of 4 1/2 months, is finally napping in his own crib, without being rocked to sleep. And...at the same time, he's not being rocked to sleep at night either. And... he's going to bed at 8:00 p.m. and waking up between 7-8:30 a.m. Hallelujah! Big, big doings around here.

He'd been going down around 8:00 for a couple of weeks, but I had to hold him with a passy in his mouth until he was good and asleep, pull the plug, and then I could put him down. And napping anyplace other than the swing was still a no go. I tried putting him in the crib, awake, last week, and he just cried for an hour, so it was back to the swing.

Well, last night, he didn't want the passy, and he kept waking up and trying to get his fingers, so I thought, "Well, I'll just try putting him down awake." And it worked. And then this morning, I discovered that the baby swing was broken. At this point, I think God broke it. =) I wouldn't have tried him again in the crib so soon after the last failure. So I put him down in it today because there was nothing else to be done, and it worked!

So, that's been great! But it was still a hard day in other ways. Seth didn't get enough sleep this weekend, and neither did I, so I felt out of it and not very engaged after we did our school time this morning. He wanted a lot of attention, and it was hard for me to give it. I was grateful when he asked to go down for his nap early. And I was even more grateful when David came home early from work (it's a federal holiday). Evan napped pretty well, but when he was up, he was fussy on and off and needed a lot of holding. And it was a very gray, rainy day, and I don't like those now that I have small children.

I don't know why it came up, but David and I were casually talking today about whether or not we'd like another child. We think we might. Maybe. After Evan is a lot older. And who knows if the clinic treatment would work again anyway. And we're not even sure about that. We're basically just not sure about this at all, really, but we'd like to want to have another child. Make sense?

But as I was washing dishes, I thought to myself, "Have another child? Hah!!! You can hardly handle the two you have! There are piles of newborn clothes lying on your baby's floor that have been there for a month because you haven't dragged the appropriate bag out of the storage shed. You haven't gone through the maternity clothes you borrowed yet to return them, and you're still wearing a lot of them. You look like a slob every week at church because you have nothing to wear that fits... and you really don't care all that much because you're too tired. You never feel caught up with anything lately, and your husband works too much and is more tired than you are. There isn't enough of you to go around, and all your friends think you don't like them anymore because you don't ever call back, and you should thank God you're not trying to do serious homeschooling right now with actual curriculum and testing and stuff. Because that would be truly terrifying..."

At least I'm getting a lot out of my Bible study this year, and I'm usually managing to get that done. It's a lifeline. But I don't have time to blog about what I'm learning, even though I'd like to. Maybe one day...

So... I'm here, but I'm struggling. And I'm REALLY ready for our vacation that starts on Friday...

Adorable squirrels...

Ok, I found some fall adorableness off the Locurto website I listed earlier. There's a button on her sidebar for free downloads, and it was on there under holiday ideas, I think.

I printed off these adorable squirrels holding nuts. I did it on card stock so they'd stand up better, and then I taped them to wooden blocks and put them on my mantelpiece. I also taped a couple to the front door in the middle of my wreath. (I'm trying to hide the big holes left by the last owners' personalized door knocker that we haven't replaced. =)

Enjoy!

Free prints on the web...

Ahhh, this is better. I decided that the leaf rubbing hadn't come out exactly the way I wanted it, so I got something online to put in the frame instead. These apples do the trick, I think.

And that reminds me... I've learned that you can get a lot of lovely art online for FREE! If you have a good color printer and a huge pack of card stock from Walmart, you're in business. Your walls never have to go begging again...

I got the apples from Vintage Printables.
The top of the page is a mess, but if you wait and scroll down, you'll see a list on the lefthand side of categories of things. It's wonderful for old nature prints from the 1800's and early 1900's. I considered a print of different kinds of nuts, too, but the apples looked better in this frame.

And then there's this list of freebies from Creature Comforts.
She's got a great set of cute baggie tags for cookies that I plan to use later for my MOPs small group. Scroll through... it's great.

And here's another at Living Locurto.
And now the baby is whining, so I must be off. Enjoy!

October morning...

Another Monday... cozy inside on a rainy day, doing laundry, having toddler school, managing an unusually cranky baby... Today Seth made a tree with his handprint. See those brown handprint roots and the yellow and red fingerprint leaves? I'd forgotten all about this craft that I did as a preschool teacher until Wendy reminded me. Next week it'll be fistprint orange pumpkins, I think...

It was a good weekend, but an overbusy one. David and I ended it feeling like we still hadn't completely caught up with each other. It was an unsatisfied feeling, but I told him last night, after we'd bounced on each others' raw nerves all day, that, as Anne of Green Gables says, "Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it."

But it's fall, and it's time to decorate like it! Since we just bought a vacuum cleaner, and since we just seeded our lawn and bought sprinklers and hoses, etc., and since we're going on vacation... I passed by the big, orange pumpkins at the store yesterday. Instead, I pulled out the container of tiny fake pumpkins I had from last year and sprinkled them around the living room. I pulled out my tried and true fall wreath that I still love, and I put it on the door.

Seth helped me make the fall display for our end table down below. I got out my dollar store plastic vase that looks like glass =), and he helped me pick up pine cones and put them in there.

Then he colored while I did a leaf rubbing to put inside the $0.25 frame I got at a yard sale. He seemed interested by the process, and he kept bringing me the little pumpkins and asking me what they were while I finished up the morning dishes. It's a start, anyway. I may find a free printable online that I can size to fit the frame and put that in there instead, but this will do for now. And I got a bit of fall to fit my budget...

Oh, and just because I hadn't showed this bit of yard sale booty before.... check out my wrought iron plate rack! I got this for $5 a few weeks ago, and David was sweet enough to hang it for me over the french doors that lead to our back deck. That space had seemed a little empty to me, but I'd been waiting to come across something that looked good there. The plates are extras from our everyday china. I didn't want something bright to detract from the interesting scrollwork.