Minutia and the end of the school year...

A little Gator action. All the neighbor kids climb on when they go tooling through the cul de sac, especially the curly headed girl from next door.

I'm sitting here alone this morning. It's so quiet that I can hear the fridge running. I had heavy whipping cream left, so I made coffee to so I'd have an excuse to drink it. I slept ridiculously late for me (8:30!!!), and I'm going up for a shower soon.

David took the boys up to VA with him on Thursday for a work trip and dropped them off with his parents on the way. They're spending the weekend there, and I'm leaving today for the first girls weekend I've had in oh, I don't know, 7 years? I'm packing up the strawberries and brie and books and girlie movies and facial masks and nail polish in a bit. 

If it wasn't for grandparents, I don't know what I'd do. (Well, I might slowly go insane.) I got to eat lunch with a friend, go shopping for shorts and sandals for Evan, and wander through Target quietly. This meant that I actually got to think about the things we're out of that are the "extras" that don't make the grocery list sometimes. Oh yeah, we need more sunscreen. Oooh, more ponytail holders! 

The times without kids are a chance for my brain to play catch up, and it feels good. I clean and fold laundry while watching Netflix. I watched a movie and a comedy special and an episode of The Office, all in a row. I haven't watched that much tv in a very, very, very long time. But since I actually can't remember the last time I watched tv (maybe last month?), I think I just made up for it all at once and got  to see things that David isn't as interested in watching. It was fun! I love Netflix. :) (We don't have cable, and we don't use our antenna, but we get our $7.99 a month's worth out of streaming.)

The last time I went on a weekend with just me and my bestie, I'm sure I took books. I probably took a couple of novels, maybe a magazine? This time, I've got a Lord Peter Wimsey that I've already read. (Why did Dorothy Sayers die? I want more Lord Peter Wimsey!!!!) But I've also got two books on the Charlotte Mason method of homeschooling. And I'm just as excited about reading those as the other. Times have really changed.

I refresh and recharge myself now to prepare myself better for this job that I have. I prep a little for the coming school year just as this one is ending, and I'm ok with that.

I declared Wednesday our last day of Kindergarten. In N.C., you don't have to count 180 days of school for the kindergarten year. Although I suspect we got that many in because I didn't take random teacher work days or spring break, I'm not worried if we didn't. We'll be having "Summer Learning" all summer long. We'll read books like we always do, and I'm going to do math, reading lessons, and handwriting with Seth a few days a week. BUT 1st Grade doesn't start until the fall. :)

On our last day, we went to the local city park that has a train, kiddie boats, and a carousel. They got to ride all of them. I gave them ice cream for breakfast. We picnicked with friends and discovered an awesome play area under a huge magnolia tree near the picnic shelter. Of course, it was the ice cream for breakfast that they're still talking about.

It was a blessed 1st year of homeschooling. I am really peaceful and content with how it all went, and I'm very thankful to God for a pleasant first step into this new phase of life. We looked through our Wonder Book together in the last few days, and Seth asked me often if we could do this activity again or that one. When I asked him when he liked best about Kindergarten, he said, "I liked all of it, Mommy!" 

One of my passions, part 2

I really felt like the work I was doing at the CPC was worthwhile, but it was hard on me emotionally. Some nights, I would come home drained and troubled. I prayed for each one of the women that I saw, and there were times that I would cry for them and their babies.

And I saw such a wide variety of women. There were so many different stories and so many difficult situations.

One thing that I learned through seeing so many different young women was that there was a lot of pressure on them from their families and friends. I think that many of the women I saw did not want to abort their babies, but they faced tremendous pressure to do so. Their boyfriends threatened to leave, or their parents threatened to kick them out if they didn't abort.

I learned early on that the mothers of teenage girls are often not the allies of their unborn grandchildren. When these women got involved, the result was often abortion. From what I could tell, they didn't like the idea that they would have a large role in helping their daughters to parent, and because they didn't want the responsibility, they would threaten and push abortion. I saw this a lot, and it made me really sad.

I met one woman who had had too much to drink on a trip overseas. She wasn't even sure that she'd consented to have sex with the man she'd met at party. She was pregnant, and she was mortified. She was a young professional, and she was afraid of what everyone she knew would think of her getting pregnant this way. I saw her once, but she didn't come back for her scheduled ultrasound.

I counseled a young, newly married couple. They had gotten pregnant unexpectedly, and they were very worried that the baby wouldn't be healthy because the wife that been very tired around the time the baby was conceived. They told me they were considering having an abortion because of their worries that the baby wouldn't be healthy. I was able to explain that pregnancy makes you very tired, and that tiredness didn't mean that there was anything wrong with the baby. I scheduled an ultrasound for them, and I heard that they decided to keep the baby.

Right before we moved, a teenage girl came into the clinic visibly pregnant. She signed in and asked for a pregnancy test, and I was a little stunned. Of course, it was positive. She had very irregular periods, so she hadn't thought much of it. She was at least 6 months along based on her last period. She wanted to have an abortion, and I told her that she was probably too far along to have one in that state. I showed her pictures of fetal development, told her all the amazing ways her baby had developed, and scheduled her for an ultrasound.

I guess you can see why I felt so burdened for all these clients. :) I'm glad I got to help then, and I feel like I'd probably be a more informed counselor now that I've had 3 pregnancies, but finding the time is difficult. But one of these days, I hope to return to this.

For now, I'll pray, and we'll give to help fund our local CPCs. If you have any questions, feel free to leave them in the comments.

Baking and mirrors...

The other day, I decided to see if I could make good homemade sub rolls. So I found a recipe, put the ingredients in the bread maker after breakfast, and had a finished product around lunchtime. When I told David this, he said, and I quote: "Clearly its time to have another baby. You've got way too much time on your hands." Hah!

I was actually having a really good day with Ben. He hadn't climbed up on the table 12 times before 10 a.m. or spilled anything all over himself, so I was firing on all cylinders.

Though he does have a point about the gratuitous bread baking. I do sense a trend. It seems like around the time I have an older toddler, the urge to bake bread comes on me strongly. It's something I like to do, but since I don't mind buying bread from the store, it's something very optional.

I do have plenty I could be doing. But lately, I'm sometimes choosing to ignore that to do what I want to do. Call it spring fever. Figure out who to call to get bids on painting the house? Nah, not gonna. I HATE having anyone work on my house. Finishing up putting together the kindergarten wonder book? Nope. I'd rather read a book about books.

I just finished "Ex Libris: Confessions of a Common Reader" by Anne Fadiman. So instead of sweeping the floor and doing the lunch dishes, I typed up this quote by Holbrook Jackson for our schoolroom wall: "In reading aloud, you are greatly privileged, first to consort with all that is noble and beautiful in thought and imagination, and then to give it forth again. You adventure among masterpieces and spread the news of your discoveries. No news is better worth the spreading; few things are better worth sharing." I think I made the right decision.

We spent a lot of time outside this morning. The boys decided they wanted to plant a chewing gum tree in the backyard (per "My Father's Dragon.") We took some sick supplies to a friend on bedrest a couple of miles down the road, and then it was back to playing again. When Evan accidentally pulled out one of my daffodil bulbs, Seth got a better lesson in shoots and roots than he'd ever get from the gardening books we've been reading. Lunchtime saw us gorging ourselves on jack cheese and "Stuart Little."

When Ben took his usual opportunity to climb on the table while my back was turned and dumped my water on himself, I put him in crib timeout after stripping him to his diaper. And during that 5 minutes, the large mirror on the mantel fell to the floor and shattered into a thousand pieces.

He'd been playing near the fireplace a lot this morning. There was no warning. No slamming doors, nothing. I almost never put him in timeout. If he'd been there instead of upstairs, we'd be at the hospital right now.

So when I took him out of his crib, he got more than one extra hug and a whispered prayer over his handsome and infuriating little head. Oh, my beautiful boy, I want you with me, driving me crazy all day long, for many, many years to come. Yes, oh yes, I do...

Grateful...

.... I got my boys back today. My parents wanted them for the weekend, so we took the chance to celebrate our 12th anniversary early. That celebration included "Iron Man 3", finding a beautiful hike on a local river, and yes, some cleaning and yard work.

And then I went to get them this morning. After they were all buckled in their carseats, I paused for a second to look at them in the minivan before I climbed in. I had the unbidden thought, "I have my life back now." Because as much as I love the time alone with the hubster to talk and dream and handle stuff, they are our life. This is what we're called to be doing. They are the life I've been given, and I'm grateful for them.

Beef stew is bubbling away on the stove, and I hear them out in the cul de sac with Daddy. Evan wanted to tell him that he got to watch "Cars" at Nana and Papa's, and he wasn't even scared this time at the car crash part. They both sang me a song that Nana taught them when she had "tea time" with them. :)  The sun is finally out after many days of clouds. I have caught up on cuddles and snuggles post naptime in Ben's room where they all played at my feet as I sat in the rocking chair.

God has been good. So I'm taking a moment to say so...

One of my passions, part 1

The kids are with Mom and Dad for the weekend, and I took a nap when I got back. So I was lying in bed tonight wide awake and thinking, and I thought I'd share my thoughts... :)

Everybody has things they get excited about, but a lot of the things I love may not trip your trigger. There are also plenty of things that I just don't care much about that others find quite compelling. Epidural vs. natural birth? Don't care. Organic food? Nope. Cloth diapers vs. disposable? Nada. You may feel strongly, and that's just fine, but I'm probably not going to get excited with you one way or the other. :)

There are so many great and wonderful things that God can call us to give a lot of time and energy to doing. For me, that's homeschooling. I'm passionate about it, and I enjoy spending my days on this. Another family might get really passionate about adoption, for example. I think its great that people adopt, and I read adoption blogs, but I don't feel called to adopt. I'm doing something different that God has called me to do, and those that adopt are doing the same. If we all got excited about exactly the same things, the world wouldn't be very interesting, and I like variety. :)

But its not like I have only one thing that floats my boat. :) Homeschooling takes so much from me right now that I don't have much time to indulge other passions, but a major one for me is caring for the unborn. One of these days, I hope to get more involved with that.

Once upon a time, over 10 years ago now, I was a volunteer counselor at a crisis pregnancy center. Because it was so long ago, and because I am not disclosing the city or any names and detailed descriptions, I feel like its safe to talk about this now.

I wanted to work with a CPC from the time I was in high school. I helped some other teen girls clean the one in the town close to us as a way to help out, but teens weren't allowed to counsel. So when I got the chance to take the volunteer training the first year that I was married, I jumped at that. I counseled at night after work once a week until we moved a year later.

I loved working at this center. It was a converted house in a downtown area, and everything had been done to make it as inviting as possible. The counseling rooms were decorated in soothing colors, and there were soft chairs and sofas. There were lots of lamps giving it a warm glow in the evenings.

When a woman came in, we would give her a pregnancy test to take on her own. Then she would come into the counseling room to talk while we waited for her test results. We had a standard form to fill out, and I'd ask the typical questions like name and birthdate, etc. We asked what she would want to do if the test was positive- parent, place for adoption, or abort. I thought this was really helpful because it helped her to think about her state of mind before she knew the test results.

If the test was positive, I would take out a wheel that would tell me her due date based on her last period. I would ask her about her concerns, about who was a support to her during this time, and ask about what she might need.

I always asked to pray with each woman, and I never had a single one refuse that. Each time I prayed, I would mention that God knew her, that He created her and loved her, and that He had a plan for her. I prayed for peace for her and for wisdom for her.

If a woman was leaning toward abortion, we would offer an ultrasound. The ultrasounds were done at the clinic by volunteer doctors and ultrasonographers. They would come in one night a week usually, and I would try to come back and be there if I had a client who was signed up for one. The doctor was male, and there would be another woman in there with him when he was doing an ultrasound.

I can't speak for all CPCs, but at this one, the goal was always to show gentle love to every mother and unborn child. Nobody pushed the mother to make a decision not to abort. If they asked about abortion, we told them that we didn't provide or refer for abortions, but that was about it. We asked questions and provided information about what was happening in her womb, spoke about the child as a "baby," and showed her pictures of fetal development. Anyone leaning toward abortion was told that they were always welcome at the CPC, no matter what decision that they made. I know that there was a post abortive counseling class available.

The whole goal was informed consent, and the prayer was that a woman would see the life in her as a life just like hers. Ultrasounds were crucial to this, and I saw firsthand how in awe some women were to see their baby's tiny heartbeat on the monitor.

Journaling...

"Evan and His Sticks"

Sooo, I'm realizing that I'm not quite as interested in my blog as I used to be. When I started it, there was no such thing as Facebook, and I didn't have 3 children. Short little status updates fit this stage of life better.

But also, I'm realizing that I'm tired of self censoring. I worry that if I get really excited about something about homeschooling, the non- homeschoolers may take it the wrong way. And I'm not interested in fighting that mommy war. And its not just that... there are many other ways I can self censor. 

I don't want to subject all of you to the mundane of my every day, I guess. I repeat myself a lot. And I don't want to wonder whether or not you think my mundane is interesting before I start typing. 

My memory is horrible. David remembers far more of the details of our last 12 years together than I do. I was disturbed the other day when he remembered a children's ministry training we did when we were in AL that I had absolutely no memory of. 

So I'm going back to the old fashioned journal for some of my chronicling of life. I don't want the tiny moments to slip away from me, so I type them quickly into a Word document. My plan is to print it out in 1 year volumes and put it in 3-ring binders. And it'll be password protected on the computer as soon as I figure that out.

I feel like I've gotten so deeply into blog sharing and social media that I haven't thought about the value about having something just for me. It's been years since I kept a journal, but looking back on those, I find out so much about "younger Ellen." I find that I now crave someplace where I just write down what I want to remember for me and no one else. No self censoring. I need an outlet for my grumpy thoughts, my potentially judgmental looking thoughts, and my very tender thoughts.... and this ain't it. 

We'll see what this blog becomes. Maybe doing this will free me to write differently and better... and maybe it won't. But if I become more scarce around here, you now have a clue as to why. :)

Bikes...

This is his starting block stance. He's about to take off and run at me to grab the camera and beat me over the head with it. What? Your toddler doesn't do that?

So, if I haven't mentioned it before, we've only got a couple of P.E. style goals for this summer: 1. Get Seth and Evan both swimming more confidently, and 2. Get Seth riding his bike without training wheels.

I think Seth must've overheard us talking about this because he told us a couple of days ago that he wanted to take the training wheels off his bike. Now, he told us this last summer, David took them off, and he then decided that he wasn't ready. Back on they went, and a year went by. 

David took them off yesterday, and then he ran with Seth, holding onto him or the bike, down our street and back again, over and over. Seth did really, really well. We were both surprised. There were many times when David was barely touching him, and he was balancing great. He's so pumped about this. I took lots of video, and he can't wait for Daddy to get home so he can do it again.

David is going to get his workout for the month running Seth up and back. It'll be good for him, right? (says his lazy wife...)

There were plenty of kids in the cul de sac for Seth's big moment yesterday evening. I got a couple of the older ones to help me manage Ben so I could video. Evan and our neighbor's daughter rode their bikes (with training wheels) alongside him to cheer him on. It was a perfect spring day, not too hot, not too cold. Our neighborhood was looking its best. It's during the 2 weeks that our azaleas all bloom. 

I hope he'll remember what it felt like to ride his bike with just his own balance and a little faith and hope. Big stuff, this milestone...

minutia...

Ok, so I've been meaning to post about these things called water beads. They are so super fun and so super cheap. I printed a hypothesis sheet from online, and we made guesses about what would happen when we added water. They start out really tiny, and as they absorb the water, they get bigger and bigger. (If you're getting colored ones, rinse them several times before you put them in a container with water or the color will stain little fingers, FYI.) You can get them in the floral section at Walmart for a few dollars. They're an absorbent polymer, probably made out of sodium polyacrylate or a cousin of it, the same stuff that is in baby diapers....

It's April, and I'm so ready for the end of the school year. David (who remembers things sooo much better than I do) said that some of the speakers at last year's homeschool conference said that homeschool moms start getting burned out in April and May.

Yep.

I'm almost finished with the first Five in A Row manual (as in, we've rowed most of the books in it), and I think I'll intersperse my own short unit studies and days of reading books that we've gotten from the library about different topics with the remaining "rows" until the end of May. Summer vacation won't be a complete break from school. We'll still be doing math, handwriting, and reading lessons a few days a week, and we'll be reading and playing games and doing activities like we always do. I just won't be doing much planning and prepping unless I feel like it. I strongly suspect I won't feel like it.

I started getting drowsy doing Seth's reading lesson with him tonight. That happens too much lately. We do it upstairs on our bed, and its just so nice to put my feet up. Fortunately, his enthusiasm doesn't let me drowse much. He's enjoying it a good bit more than he did in the beginning when reading wasn't coming easily. And if I liked "All About Reading, Level 1" before, I LOVE it now. Totally worth the investment....

I got an email asking if I would be interested in helping with VBS at our church this year. There was a time when I would've been. We did a lot of teaching kids before we had them, and we still work in nursery once a month.

I feel guilty for not wanting to help, but I try to remember a blog post that I read at the beginning of this year that reminded me that teaching my children at home is adding a full time job onto the one I already have. If I am really tired and feel like I can't add much to my plate without cracking, I can remind myself that may be because I've already taken on an extra job, so I shouldn't be surprised if it's taking everything I've got many days.

And that means I can be ok with saying "no" to teaching VBS. Even if it makes me feel guilty. Maybe the guilt will never go away, or maybe I'll have some energy to help as the kids get older and more independent, and I can say "yes" sometimes. But right now? I'm all outta energy.

And in other news, lemme say that the trampoline we got for Seth's birthday is the best birthday present we've ever gotten any of them (ok, except maybe for his bike). The boys have spent a lot of time outside since we set it up. It's made the backyard so much more appealing that it was before, and I LOVE that. Next up? A cool tire-like swing for the rope swing on our tree... Evan's birthday is in May. =)

Saturday...

Seth's first Lego creation.

Ben is upstairs taking his morning nap, and David took the big boys out to ride bikes on the walking trail. (Hmm, definitely need to get on researching a bike rack. It isn't easy to fit their bikes into the back of the minivan.) 

Went out for the first time in about 2 weeks yesterday. It felt unfamiliar to put on makeup, and I couldn't remember the last time I'd driven the van. We ate Mexican for dinner, but my stomach wasn't quite ready for it. And I still can't smell anything, so that means that meals taste a little weird. 

David and I are seeing a little improvement every day, but we agree that the recovery from this last sickness has been maddeningly slow. 

We found out that some of the local neighborhoods were having yard sales today, so we gave each of the boys a ziploc bag of coins, and we headed out. We've been learning about small businesses and money as part of school for our last "rowing", and Seth was eager to test out his skills.

He didn't want to go up to the homeowner at first because he didn't know her name. But I got him to ask, and he told her his name, and then he asked how much the toy was. It was more than he had, so she pulled out a box of junk, ahem, toys, that were a quarter. He found a train that he wanted, and he was very proud that he found the right coins to make the right amount. =) 

(People who overprice their stuff at yard sales bug me. I'm sorry, but you're really going to try and charge the same price for that sticker book that I paid for it new at Walmart? They make me want to walk away immediately, and I would've if it hadn't been for the boys.) 

They're cute, riding around, keeping their eyes peeled. Seth prayed quietly that we'd find another yard sale with toys. And though we didn't, we did find a yard sale with a lemonade stand being run by his friend and neighbor, Margaret, and they got to get out and buy sugary pink lemonade. Success! Ben even got a cup when I found an empty sippy in the diaper bag. :) And considering that I hear him talking to himself instead of napping, it seems like that sugar high was a rousing success. 

Getting back into school has been slow, but yesterday I found a good way to reinforce what we've been learning that didn't require much extra energy. I walked into the playroom and told them I'd come to eat at their restaurant, and I had money to pay. They jumped to attention, and I was served the finest plastic chicken in town. We used real coins and talked about what they were worth and added and subtracted. 

There was this little customer that kept coming up to my table and taking my food and running away with it. He was very rude, but the management told me that he was a "baby customer," so I guess its ok. He did seem to know how to pretend to eat, and he made "yum" noises quite well. :)

coming to you from the house of pain...

"What? Do these shoes not go with my tails?" Enjoy the cuteness. The following post is not cute.

It's Easter Sunday. But we're going to pretend that its not because I want to be totally full of joy over the Resurrection, and the vomit and the horrible cold and cough and the diarrhea have sapped a good bit of that. So we're having a do-over later, TBD.

I'm writing this so I'll remember exactly how bad it was for later. Later, when the kids are older and we don't fall victim to stomach bugs so badly. Later, after I've gotten them all to eat greek yogurt with honey every day for breakfast so that we don't have it so bad ever again...

So, Evan threw up on Monday, and we came home from Mom and Dad's. Tuesday was fine, though Evan was whiny and had some diarrhea, so I kept him in a Pull Up. Wednesday all day was fine, though by that time all of us had a bad cold and a hacking cough (which we all still have, to greater or lesser degrees.) Wednesday night, Ben threw up right before he got into the bathtub, but he was cheerful afterward.

David was feeling bad enough with the cold and cough that he decided to go to the doctor on Thursday, just to rule out something worse than your typical cough. He came home a little early and took a nap. I got Ben up from his nap, and he was feeling awful. He lay on my chest, and then he threw up on me.

We put everyone but me on the BRATT diet, and I ate more cautiously. David had decided that his stomach didn't feel great, so he had nothing but rice for dinner. Thursday night, Seth woke up and threw up. Then, as we're changing and washing those sheets, Evan woke up and threw up. (Keep in mind, he hadn't thrown up since Monday, and now it's Thursday.) Then Seth threw up a second time. Strip the bed again, give him a bowl again, etc. He woke up periodically through the night, crying out with stomach pain.

There was nothing good about Good Friday. Seth lay on the floor or on the couch all day. He slept a lot. He couldn't keep anything down. He had diarrhea. All the Gatorade came back up. I was getting worried. I called the nurse at our pediatrician's office in the afternoon. He'd just thrown up yet another tablespoon of Gatorade. She suggested a teaspoon of Gatorade, but she said if he couldn't keep that down, we should probably take him to the hospital. I texted friends to pray, and we gave him a teaspoon at 7:30. He kept it down, praise God, and we got another teaspoon in him before he fell asleep.

Saturday morning, Ben threw up all his dry cereal breakfast. He spent the rest of the day crying and sitting on our laps. He could drink, but we didn't try to give him much to eat. By Saturday, Seth could eat again, but its been slow for him. We figured out he had nothing but Gatorade and 1 saltine cracker in 48 hours. Evan was begging for more normal food, and we gradually upped his intake of food. We tried giving Ben some scrambled eggs for dinner. He wolfed down a teaspoon of them and promptly threw up. 

So now we've arrived at Sunday. David and I are very tired. I still don't have the stomach bug, but I've been bothered by the cold and cough. David hasn't been able to eat normally since Thursday, and that frustrates him a lot. Ben is grumpy and lethargic, and Seth is lethargic. Nobody can eat much, except Evan, and he's whiny. His stomach isn't perfectly normal, either.

We've had stomach bugs before, but never anything recurring like this. I have no idea how long it will be before we're back to normal, but its looking like a week or more per victim. I'm praying for no more vomit.... 

I sincerely and devoutly hope that I just made all of you feel more thankful for your normal Easter weekend. I hope to feel more thankful for mine next year if God grants us a normal Easter. :)