I'd like to share with you my new favorite scripture. It's Psalm 113:9, and it says: "He makes the barren woman abide in the house as a joyful mother of children. Praise the Lord." I'm expecting a baby. Just writing those words makes me want to cry. I didn't write about this last month's treatment because it was just too hard for me to talk about it. This was our last month of treatment for a long time, probably over a year. We'd decided already that we weren't going to be treated in D.C. because of David's crazy work schedule, so I knew this was it. Each day, it was harder and harder to let go of the dream. So I just didn't write, but we did the shots. Nothing seemed different this time around than last time, so there didn't seem to be any reason to get my hopes up. This year of treatment has been horrible and draining, and it was hard to muster a shred of hope. My faith in God for this was infinitesimably small, but my faithful husband wasn't going to give up. He decided to ask God if he should still hope for pregnancy for this last month of treatment. He really wanted an answer, so he asked for a sign. He didn't tell me about this sign, but he decided to ask that I would start my period to kick off the cycle no more than 5 days after I took progesterone to induce it. Now, the last time I took progesterone, it took 14 days for me to start. So when I started 5 days after the progesterone shot, I was surprised. I told David about it, and that's when he told me about his request. I was still skeptical, but a little more hopeful. David really started seeking the Lord in prayer about this, and a couple of weeks ago, he felt the Lord tell him that I was going to be pregnant. He wanted to really exercise his faith for this, so he went so far out on a limb that it could've broken on him. So he sent out an email to his entire Bible study group at work, and this is a section of it:
"Although I entitled this email "prayer," it might more accurately be described as "witnesses." I have been praying, and I believe more than ever before that God is going to make Ellen pregnant this month. As far as treatment goes, this month isn't any different than last month. From a human perspective, there is no reason to believe that this month will be successful. But I feel in my heart that God is going to make it successful... I am writing to you so that you can be witnesses to this miracle of God...I know that I am human, and I sometimes misunderstand what God is saying. But I feel that God is calling me to exercise faith, and I don't want to come up lacking."
He brought this email home to me, and my heart sank. I couldn't believe he'd done something so risky. I was afraid to believe, so I asked for my own sign. Nothing happened. I was frustrated and worried about him and how he would feel if he was wrong. Now I think that I didn't get any answer to my request so David would be tested to believe despite me. =) The doctor's office did a blood pregnancy test on me on Monday, and my results are really good. My HCG level (pregnancy hormone) was 107.7, and it only has to be 20 for me to be pregnant, so that's good. I feel some abdominal twinges already from my uterus stretching, and I didn't have that before. I'm on progesterone supplements as a precaution, and I'm being watched like a hawk by my specialist. At this point, I'm considered a high risk pregnancy because of the previous miscarriage and because of my infertility. I should be worried, I guess, but I'm not. Please pray that I won't become afraid. And pray for the health of this baby. A friend who had a condition that made her miscarry multiple children gave me this advice: "Don't let what happened last time steal your joy over the pregnancy you have today." I'm learning more and more that every day I have with this baby is precious, and I want to enjoy every moment I have. I am due on January 25, 2007, and my first trimester is over on July 12th. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the years of faithful prayers that you have sent to the Father for me. He is the Great Healer.
P.S. The picture is of the two kinds of cards I'm getting these days. When I put them side by side, it makes me grin like an idiot. I dreamed that I'd be pregnant on graduation day, and I was!