Hi, everyone! Just trucking along around here. Dinner tonight at a friend's house, folding laundry, etc. Home inspection coming up next Monday morning, so y'all pray... But that's not what's on my mind this afternoon.
I've been a real slacker about my devotions this summer, since I haven't had CBS to keep me accountable. I am eager to hear from God in all the little and big changes that are coming for us, and I can't do that if I'm not tuning in. I started re-doing a Bible study yesterday. It's interesting how my answers had changed since I did it in D.C. right after Seth was born. It's also interesting how much things have stayed the same in my heart. I want to make progress...
The past few days I've been bothered with entitlement issues. I feel just plain spoiled rotten, and I don't like it. I look around at what God has provided for us, and I worry that it's just too much. Maybe we shouldn't have a house this nice or this close to work and friends. Why do I get this blessing? Is it really ok? Should I be denying myself more in this area? What is practical and prudent, and what is just over the top?
I want to have a grateful attitude about each and every good gift that God provides. I find that so many around me spend a good bit of time complaining about little things in their lives, like paying too much for a bad dinner or getting poor service at the dry cleaners. Maybe its just a part of how we converse, I don't know, but I hear it, and it provides a wake up call to me.
I know I do it just as much as they do, but I can't hear myself as easily. There are so many little things that I complain about, and the reason I'm complaining must be that I feel entitled to something better... whatever "better" is for that thing. If I wasn't a spoiled, middle-class American, I'd have something real to complain about. Now, I'm not talking about real hardships here, like relationship issues, job loss, health problems, etc.... I'm just talking about the petty things. How much time do I spend complaining about stuff that is really no big deal? Why don't I respond with more joy when someone asks how its going?
I guess maybe I worry that having a really nice place to live, way better than I expected I would have, will create even more entitled feelings in my heart. What will I do if God calls us to sell it in a few years and move to an apartment in a large city? Will I grumble and complain because I think I'm entitled to the standard of living to which I've grown accustomed? I'm finding more and more that its very hard to keep material blessings from taking root in your heart and pushing out the real true, good, and beautiful.