Monday, June 14, 2010

on broken bulbs and other things…

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We’re getting back into daily life here. After three weeks of being without Daddy, we had a lot of de-stressing to do. I realized that I’d been on edge and just kind of tired of everything, and it’s nice to be coming out of that.

It was very tempting to try and get another day of relaxation today, but David needed to get back to work, and I needed to try and find normal again. This morning flew by, with a little time at a playground and “school” for me and Seth.

He’s doing so well. We’re trying little worksheets for the first time, and he’ll go through most of the alphabet with me and tell me the sounds of the letters and some words that start with them before his 3-year-old attention span is shot…

Doing this makes me feel good, like we’re learning how to learn together. But its also stressful. Today I thought, “How am I ever going to do this when Evan stops taking a morning nap?” And I knew a moment of despair. I know that I’ve learned how to negotiate schedule changes and daunting hurdles before, and I know that I’ll do it again. But I wonder where the limit is…

In a perfect world, with a perfectly sinless and completely flexible me, I could have a dozen kids and homeschool them all, and all would be lovely. But I’m a broken me, and I acknowledge my brokenness. I can’t do all the things I wish I could do. Maybe I can only homeschool two of these little beings… I don’t know. But I do know that it’s easy to freak when thinking about homeschooling even one well while trying to care for one other little one.

I was pep talking myself through the morning, sistas.

But we rolled on, and I even attempted an errand to the “place with tractors” (aka Lowe’s). What ever possessed me to think that I could actually pick out new front porch lights with two small children? As I drove away, realizing that I’d bought the wrong thing, I thought about all the other times I’d optimistically made this same mistake, leaving me with a growing pile of returns.

But I wasn’t about to turn around and go back. It was naptime, and Seth had already broken an entire box of light bulbs by throwing them gleefully from the cart while I talked to a vested employee. Hey, at least I got the laundry detergent we were running out of, right? =)