Do you ever just get sick and tired of your own up and down personality? Does your fight with sin ever just really get you down? I think that's where I am these days. My emotions are like a roller coaster. One day I'm feeling like all is right with the world, and the next day, nothing is satisfactory.
Lately, it seems like all my eyes focus on when I look around are the dings and imperfections in walls and paint and cabinets. I see things that I want to change instead of things I should be grateful for. I fight negativity all the time, even though I know I really have nothing to be negative about!
For goodness sake, my parents came this weekend, and Dad and David got up all the leaves and sticks in the yard. (There were a ton of them. Literally. They weighed them at the yard waste disposal place. =) So there are people slaving away in the yard, making it lovely, and Dad's even trimming trees and bushes and making plans for landscaping. Mom is spoiling Seth rotten, even letting me go get a haircut. I had a great time at a party for MOPs leadership on Saturday night, and stayed out nice and late. We went out to a cool new place for lunch after church on Sunday. It wasn't like I wasn't spoiled, pampered, and treated incredibly well all weekend.
What did I do? I walked around, grumping about the dirt Dad was tracking into the house on his boots. I got grumpy with David for losing another pair of work gloves. I groused because I couldn't take a Sunday afternoon nap. And I woke up this morning feeling guilty about all of it. As I rightly should.
I guess maybe pregnancy hormones can contribute, but I don't remember feeling this way last time. I want to be a joyful wife, mom, daughter, friend, etc. And I'm not being that nearly often enough. Sigh.