Monday, December 15, 2008

Do ya ever...

Do you ever just get sick and tired of your own up and down personality? Does your fight with sin ever just really get you down? I think that's where I am these days. My emotions are like a roller coaster. One day I'm feeling like all is right with the world, and the next day, nothing is satisfactory.

Lately, it seems like all my eyes focus on when I look around are the dings and imperfections in walls and paint and cabinets. I see things that I want to change instead of things I should be grateful for. I fight negativity all the time, even though I know I really have nothing to be negative about!

For goodness sake, my parents came this weekend, and Dad and David got up all the leaves and sticks in the yard. (There were a ton of them. Literally. They weighed them at the yard waste disposal place. =) So there are people slaving away in the yard, making it lovely, and Dad's even trimming trees and bushes and making plans for landscaping. Mom is spoiling Seth rotten, even letting me go get a haircut. I had a great time at a party for MOPs leadership on Saturday night, and stayed out nice and late. We went out to a cool new place for lunch after church on Sunday. It wasn't like I wasn't spoiled, pampered, and treated incredibly well all weekend.

What did I do? I walked around, grumping about the dirt Dad was tracking into the house on his boots. I got grumpy with David for losing another pair of work gloves. I groused because I couldn't take a Sunday afternoon nap. And I woke up this morning feeling guilty about all of it. As I rightly should.

I guess maybe pregnancy hormones can contribute, but I don't remember feeling this way last time. I want to be a joyful wife, mom, daughter, friend, etc. And I'm not being that nearly often enough. Sigh.


Rachel said...

Every pregnancy is different and brings different feelings. I know with each I've felt different each time! This time I was definitely more moody than the first two! So, yes, you can blame it on hormones! (not that you shouldn't try not to give in to them, but realize that that is probably where it is coming from)

Shannon said...

Yes, yes, and YES! (to your first question.) I am frumpy and grumpy these days TOO, and I don't remember being this way in any of my previous pregnancies. My kids are probably ready to trade me in on the Mary Poppins model mom. :(

I find that I go through this cycle at other times, though, even when hormones are probably not a factor. I see the grossness of my sinful heart, and the weight of it can seem crushing. I feel guilty for not being able to pull myself out of the slump. I feel guilty for being a failure as a wife/mom/human being. I feel guilty for feeling guilty... Usually I end up reduced to tears a few times before something hits me and makes me buck up. Sometimes it's my husband saying "get a grip!" Sometimes it's ministering to a friend who is going through way worse stuff than I am...and it makes me see with a fresh perspective how blessed I am. Sometimes, I just get smacked during my quiet time and have a good discussion with God. Usually, it's a combination.

For what it's worth, you aren't alone, and it will get better. :)

Momma B. said...

You prego girls cut yourself some slack. Like rachel said ALL pregnancies are different! Plus the fact that you have more people to care for during this pregnancy than the last. It's tiring and that's ok. God has the grace to cover these things, and usually our loved ones do too, so now you have to accept that grace and let it speak to your soul! I am praying God's grace will grip your hearts and bring unspeakable joy amidst the moods! ;) Love you sister!

The Mom said...

Hormones can make life feel really tough. And make you sweat the small stuff.

If something really big happens (talking to myself, not you :-) then you get a better perspective.

Not an easy experience.

Nor is a new baby and a house move. Try to rest, take your vitamins and make sure your iron levels are ok.