Monday, January 18, 2010

Missing my big boy...

It's 11:33 p.m., and I miss my big boy.

See, I had this great plan. We went to my parent's house on Sunday because we were going to a birthday party for a local friend there. And I realized that Mom would be coming back here to babysit for me on Wednesday night so I can go to a huge consignment sale here. Soo... I hatched a plan to send the whiny toddler boy to his grandparents for a little R&R. For me.

Who knew he would turn a corner and get so cute right before this planned trip? Who knew he'd want us to sing with him all the way to my parents' house? Who knew I'd like that better than listening to any radio station?

So now he is with Nana and Papa, and I'm here with David and Evan. It's been a mucho busy day, full of helping out a couple of friends in crisis. But I've realized that its felt a little weird in this house, and I'm taking the time in the middle of the night to figure out why.

All day, he hasn't been here. I'm walking around my house, and there's a nagging feeling that something important is missing. The play room is quiet. There's no one sitting in the booster seat. I haven't taken the big box of Goldfish down from the top of the fridge in hours. And nobody ate "Chex in a bowl" this morning for breakfast.

The hardest thing is walking by his open bedroom door. I told David how weird it was to walk by it at night and see that empty crib. He said, "Do what I do when you leave for a few days with the boys. I just close all the bedroom doors. Then I can pretend that they're just in there sleeping." For whatever reason, those words hit me pretty hard in the gut. Maybe because there are undoubtedly parents in this world who do that every night whose children won't sleep in their tiny beds again?

So, Seth David, I miss you, big boy. It takes having you away sometimes, I guess, to make me more thankful all over again that God gave you to us. I'm really glad that you seemed to be having such a great time with Nana when I called this morning. But I'm going to wish that I could get you up and see you grin and jump up and down in your bed tomorrow morning. Evan is a great playmate for me, but he can't tell me all about how Noah and Tad from the Letter Factory slept with him last night.

I know that its good for Evan to have a little one on one time with me and Daddy. It's just a little taste for him of what you got for those years before he came. And Nana and Papa love having you around, and you get to ride the big tractor until you are giddy with joy. But... I'm not going to be so quick to let you go without me next time... Please come home soon. There'll be big hugs and kisses and tickles waiting for you when you get here.


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