Saturday, December 10, 2011


I’m stressed.


I think I’ve decided that when I get enough nights of interrupted sleep, my body gets nauseous at the slightest provocation. I’ve felt bloated, mildy nauseous on and off, and crampy for a week. No period coming… he’s only 3 months old. And, no, I’M NOT PREGNANT. I took a test, since my symptoms were starting to freak me out. Then my brain went to the “Well, I’m probably just going to die of ovarian cancer because stomach issues are the only way you can tell if you have it, and then I’ll leave my three small children motherless, and that’s just great because they won’t diagnose it because they’ll just tell me this is normal for an exhausted, breastfeeding mother….” train wreck line of thinking. I don’t have irritable bowel syndrome. Dr. Wikipedia told me that. Maybe celiac disease? Or paranoia? =)

I like parties… but not this year. I’ve had two Christmas parties this week, and I haven’t enjoyed them nearly as much as I would’ve liked. I wanted to fall asleep in my CBS small group time on Thursday. And you’re going to have to dynamite me out of my house this weekend because I’m not leaving for anything other than church. My children are watching Kipper the Dog on YouTube every day right now. (Yeah, yeah, but that’s something we don’t do at our house, so it makes me feel bad. No judgment on you who do tv and videos, I swear.)

If you give me one more thing to do, I might go ballistic on you. I found out on Tuesday that I am responsible for doing the table decorations at our MOPs Christmas meeting next Tuesday, and that I have to bring a casserole. This means that I have to get a friend to watch my kids so I can go on Monday to the only available set up time. I had to borrow stuff from our mentor mom to decorate with, and when she casually mentioned that I’d have to go to Michael’s to buy candles for it, I wanted to either break something or fall on the floor crying. Or both. (I’m borrowing some from a gal in my small group, thank God, so no breakdown this week.)

But the worst of it is that I didn’t want to go to the park with my big boys this morning. And I usually always want all of us to be together on Saturday mornings. I’m desperate to teach the baby how to nap somewhere other than my arms, so he needed to stay here anyway, but it bothers me that I was glad to have the excuse.

Ben slept pretty horribly last night. Between the 3 of them, we’re both up multiple times a night because somebody fell out of bed, somebody’s having a growth spurt, or somebody started crying for no particular reason. So, yeah, it’s been a bad several months of sleep now, and I guess it’s just leaving it’s mark. My body feels worn out.

Please pray that I start feeling better this week. If I don’t, I’m going to have to make a dr.’s appointment, and I don’t want to add that to the list of things I don’t have the energy to do. And also, please pray that I will have joy in my boys and in my husband and in my job right now.


Sarah said...

Sweet sister. I know exactly.. and I do mean exactly how you feel. Praying for you from the heart of experience and loving you because you are honest enough to say how you really feel. I love you oh so dearly.

Rachel said...

I hear ya! I've Totally been there too! This has been a very hard year for me, with Grayson being such a bad sleeper as well. It's only with in the last month that he's sleeping through the night and he still won't go to sleep - ever - with out us putting him to sleep first. Sigh.

When I feel like you are, I pull back. It's time to stay home, heck with the house, activities and cleaning. It's sitting on the floor time with the kids...

Just hang in there, it WILL pass I promise! But until then, just cut back and enjoy your family.

Love you!! Miss connecting lately, but will again soon...