Childbirth express...

Yesterday, David and I spent the day in class. Childbirth class, that is. Our hospital system has a program where you can get all the childbirth info you could possibly need (ha!) in one day. So we spent 9:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m. sitting in uncomfortable chairs with 11 other couples, listening and gaping and squirming at the info we were getting from a very nice nurse. I had already gotten some of this info from various sources, but I still had a lot to learn. David, however, was fully initiated into the complicated process of childbirth by this class. He still looks startled. (Just kidding.) We covered how to know when you've gone into labor (hmmm, still not completely sure it's as easy as she made it sound), various forms of pain relief, breathing techniques to help with early labor (wondering if those do any good), complications in delivery, c-sections, and newborn and mommy care. She passed around a wide variety of scary little instruments, including big, gleaming, steel forceps and the evil looking crochet hook they use to break water. I found out that I will be oozing a wide variety of liquids from various parts of my body for weeks after birth. It was edifying, to say the least. The thing that seems most useful to me at the moment is her advice to bring your own pillows because hospital pillows stink. =) The rest of it is stuff I really can't do much about. Overall, it feels good to be informed, but I feel like the process is still largely out of my control, especially if I have a complication. Which leads me to this morning's sermon. Our head pastor spoke about Hezekiah this morning. He talked about the ups and downs of Hezekiah's faith and trust in God. Hezekiah was a good, godly king who made some mistakes in trusting, like all of us. When he needed a miracle, He trusted God for one. He asked God to heal him, and God added 15 more years to his life. But then he stopped trusting God after He'd had his miracle until he needed another one when the Assyrians were banging on Jerusalem's gates. In the in between time, he entertained envoys from Babylon, and he showed them all the treasures and fortifications of His kingdom. He was showing off, showing them how he'd prepared for the safety of his own city. He was reveling in his self reliance, and this would eventually lead to the destruction of Judah and the Babylonian exile. Isaiah told him that the Babylonians would come back for all the loot they had seen, but he wasn't repentant because he knew it wouldn't happen during his lifetime. Not a shining moment for this king. But once again, when Hezekiah couldn't do anything to help himself, he did turn to God again when Jerusalem was under Assyrian seige, and he asked for and received another miracle. The point that our pastor was trying to draw from all this was to ask how we respond after God has granted us a miracle. Are we only good at relying on God when we need one of those? Do we only grasp for God when we know we're in a crunch time and there isn't anything we can do? Do we fall back on our own resources when things don't seem so dire? What are the consequences of that? This got me thinking about the miracle I have recieved. I have a miracle growing in my body. I didn't put him there, and I can't do much to make sure that my little boy gets out alive and healthy. I have been sitting back and enjoying the time since he was conceived, doing what I can to have a healthy pregnancy. I've been given a healthy pregnancy, and things have been calm. But this period of calmness after a miracle may be making me too self reliant. I've begun to think that I can control the outcome of this pregnancy. I've begun to think that I can manipulate medical technology to make sure he comes out happy and healthy. The combination of the childbirth class and this morning's sermon have made me realize that there isn't anything about this process that I can really control. Ultimately, I will probably have very little say over how this all goes. And I should stop worrying and weighing options and ask God to provide the perfect delivery for me. I need to leave it in his hands and stop trying to think about micromanaging the process. I could; doctors will let you have what you want quite often if you beg enough. But is that a good idea? I'm tempted to do it, but I know that that is because of my fears and not because of a healthy desire to be an informed patient. And I can't let my fearful desire for self reliance take over. I have to trust, put myself in His hands, and ask the Lord for the next miracle.