Fall weekend in DC...

One of these days, I will have a camera again, and I will post pictures of life here. But for now, I'm waiting on the U.S. Postal Service. They're not the fastest people in the world. =) This weekend, David didn't have to work! I was soo excited that I just wanted to do everything together, from getting him some new jeans (practical) to flying to Tahiti for a getaway (impossible). =) Too much to do, not enough time to do it in. We ended up having a lot of DC fun, and some of it was very specifically "DC fun." The nature of my husband's job means that we get to do some unique things and meet some unique people. I'm enjoying the once in a lifetime experiences that we're having right now. On Friday afternoon, the judge that David clerked for on the U.S. Court of Appeals for the DC Circuit had his portrait unveiling. When a federal appeals court judge has been on the bench for 20 years, his former clerks all chip in and purchase an oil portrait of him to go on the wall in the courtroom. We went to the unveiling, a reception afterward at the courthouse, and a dinner after that at a private club in Dupont Circle. Several of the Supreme Court justices that had worked with him on the DC bench before they were promoted to the Supreme Court came, including Justices Thomas, Ginsburg, Scalia, Roberts, and Breyer. David's former judge was thoroughly roasted by some very intelligent people, including the current chief justice of the DC Court of Appeals. The dinner provided a chance to meet more of the judge's former clerks and find out about all the fascinating things that they're doing these days. Many are teaching law at various law schools around the country, many work for the government, many are in private practice. I am getting more and more comfortable with meeting people and learning about them in this kind of world. It's nice not to feel as intimidated as a did when we first arrived back in DC. We got to have some neat conversations about politics and law, and it was nice to be included in those. I think I may enjoy them almost as much as David does. I thought about going to law school myself before David and I decided to get married, so all of this does interest me a good deal. We walked back to the Metro in the rain, and it was plenty nippy, but we spotted a Krispy Kreme right by the Metro entrance, so we popped in to get warm and have a couple of hot, fresh doughnuts. There isn't anything much better than sharing a doughnut with your husband after a really enjoyable DC evening. On Saturday, we slept late, talked a lot, and ran errands until time for a pumpkin carving party at a friend's house. We headed out to Fairfax and had a great time enjoying Chuck and Christine's gracious hospitality. They had plenty of food, a roaring fire in the fireplace, and lots of pumpkin carving tools in their backyard. I have never carved a pumpkin before; we always painted ours and entered them in the fair. So this was a totally new experience for me. It was great! David and I tried to brainstorm for awhile, and we came up with a cat face. I drew it, and David carved it. Then I got to make cool holes with different sized drill bits all around the pumpkin. This masterpiece is now sitting on our dining room table. Hopefully, I'll get a picture of it before it rots. On Sunday afternoon, we drove out to Midland, VA after church to go to a harvest festival on a farm out there. Midland is over an hour from DC, and it was a really beautiful drive. There were cattle farms everywhere. Well, when we got to the farm, the festival looked a little dinky to us for the price they were charging, so we decided to just keep driving down that road and see where it took us. Not far past the farm, we noticed a sign for "John Marshall's Birthplace Park." I told David, and he said, "THE John Marshall?" For those of you who aren't nerdy enough to know who John Marshall is, he was an early chief justice of the U.S. Supreme Court and the author of the landmark case, Marbury v. Madison, which established the Supreme Court's right of judicial review. There, now you know. Sure enough, this little park, which literally had 4 parking spaces for all the masses of visitors, was THE John Marshall's birthplace. David and I thought this was really funny, and we had a good, muddy 1/2 mile hike to the stone monument marking the spot of his birth. The great thing about this park, unlike parks in DC, is that there was no one there. I loved it. Growing up on 20 acres, I got used to being able to go in the woods and know that there was literally no one around for about a mile. I enjoy people a lot, but I also really enjoy this kind of solitude. This was the first time in a long time that I'd felt that, and it was great. We hung out at John Marshall's monument for a long time, and nobody came to disturb our solitude. Then we drove back to DC, promptly got caught in a huge traffic jam resulting from the Marine Corps Marathon at the Pentagon, and couldn't exit to go home because they'd blocked off our exit. This meant we had to take a detour through DC around the Jefferson Memorial. Oh, well. =) You win some... But the day ended on a better note with our friend's Seth and Catherine coming over to make gingerbread men. Mmmm. I love gingerbread men! I still have another batch to do today. I promise that I won't always write about our weekend. But I did think it was interesting and kind of representative of the variety of experiences we have had here.

Update on Cheryl Stolldorf...

I got this email from Terri on Friday. It's amazing how a bad situation can turn around in an instant. Praise the Lord!

"Sorry to keep you waiting so long today for news: the doctor was in surgery all day today, and just recently got a chance to come and talk tomy parents. The radiologist confirmed that my mom only has a mass of capillaries in her head--no tumor! Praise God for his kindness to us! We are rejoicing in his healing hand.The only down side to this is that my mom is going to have to stay in NICU until Tuesday. They will operate on Monday to put a draining shunt from her brain to her stomach, and they'll keep an eye on her after that. Please pray that she will find productive ways to spend her time there. Also, pray that the mass of capillaries does not enlarge further, which could cause further complications down the road. This doesn't seem to be an imminent problem, but more of a precautionary note.Truly, "The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made. All your works shall give thanks to you, O Lord, all your saints shall bless you!"(Ps 145:9-10) Thank you for praying--thank you for rejoicing with us!Vance and Terri"

Sharing a fall tradition...

Hi! It's a really nice fall morning here. Since I don't work on Fridays, I've been cleaning up, folding laundry, cleaning the bathroom, etc. I love having a tidy house. It just makes me feel a little calmer and more put together. Hey, maybe you can't control the world outside, but at least you can control the chaos inside. Well, sort of, depending on the day. It doesn't always happen, but it's nice when it does. =) And...I'm making Russian tea today. For those of you who spent much time around the Whitaker household, you might be aware of the tea-making seasons. There are two official teas in the Whitaker house. There is summer/fall tea, and this is Mom's special raspberry-mint sweet tea. It's a staple through at least half of the year, and it's great stuff. Then the weather turns colder, and it's time to switch over to Russian tea. This will last you until it gets warm again. This is how I grew up. The rhythm is as predictable as the seasons, and it's comforting to me to get ready to switch over every year. Now, Mom's Russian tea is nothing like the concoction you sometimes get in a jar at Christmas. It's not a mixture of Orange Tang and instant tea or anything like that. This is the real deal, and it's as far from that dry mix as you can imagine. It's fruity and spicy and warm, and I love it, so I thought I'd make it my first attempt at blog recipe sharing. If you try it at home, please post to this entry to let me know how it went. So, here goes. It may sound complicated, but it really isn't, I swear....

Mom Whitaker's Russian Tea

2 c. pineapple juice (you can buy this in a large can and store the rest or freeze it)
1/2 12 oz. can orange juice concentrate (just scoop out and put the can back in the freezer)
2 T. Real Lemon or lemon juice
2/3 c. sugar
2 family-size Luzianne tea bags (I use decaf so I can drink before bed)
1 t. each whole cloves and whole allspice (found in spice aisle, or for B'ham folks, try Penzeys on 280)
tea ball
1 cinnamon stick

Fill a 3 qt. pot about 1/2 full with water, and fill a 2 qt. pot a little over half full with water. Put on the stove. Bring the larger pot to a boil for the tea bags, and put the smaller pot on low-med heat. Put the cloves and allspice in a tea ball and put in the smaller pot. Add a cinnamon stick to it as well. Then just stir your spice pot occasionally and keep an eye on it while you're working with the larger pot. After the larger pot comes to a boil, cut off the heat, take off the burner, and add the two tea bags. Let them steep for 5 minutes, and then squeeze out and discard. Add 2/3 c. sugar to the tea in the pot and stir to dissolve. In a large, 1 gallon pitcher, you will have put the pineapple juice, the orange juice concentrate, and the lemon juice. Pour the hot tea over it all. Then fish out the tea ball and cinnamon stick from the smaller pot and pour it in as well. The goal is to have about 1 gallon of liquid all together in your pitcher. I use a 1 gallon pitcher with the amount marked on the side and just fill up to there. (I highly recommend the Quick Stir pitchers from Pampered Chef. They have a stirrer built in so you're not always dirtying your spoons.) If you're short on liquid, just add a little water. Stir, and enjoy. I heat this up in the microwave by the cupful at night, and David and I enjoy it while we share our evening.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to have a nice afternoon cup of tea. =)

Prayer for Cheryl Stolldorf...

I just got a call from my brother this morning. Terri's mother went into the hospital early this morning with terrible headaches. They have found a marble-sized brain tumor in her brain. At this point, she's in a lot of pain, and they're going to drain some of the fluid from the tumor to find out more about it. They don't know yet if it's cancerous or how easy it'll be to operate on. At this point, Vance and Terri are just waiting for more information. Please pray for the whole family, Dan, Cheryl, Allie, A.J., Vance, and Terri. Vance and Terri are still stunned, and it's really hard not to worry. Lord, I pray that you'll just put a hedge of protection around this family. This is a godly woman who has served you for many years. Please heal her, and use this situation for your glory. Touch many lives through this situation, and restore her to full health. Amen.

Paula Morgan....

Praise the Lord. Two pregnant women together.
Me and Sam
Sam had started kissing pregnant tummies right before we moved.

This post is long overdue. Long, long overdue. I can't believe I haven't talked about my Paula and Sam before now.

Let me start at the beginning. Paula is a friend that God sent me directly during the darkest days of my life. I know He did this because we never would've met without His intervention. A few months after David and I moved to Alabama, we were looking for a church, and we went and visited Paula and Mike Morgan's church. Well, we didn't know the area well, so after a pretty long drive to get to it, we realized that we probably wouldn't be going back because it'd be too far to get really involved easily. But we walked in and went to Sunday School. Paula and Mike were in the class, and I remember Paula thanking the class for prayer for some medical procedure that she'd just had. She wasn't very specific about it, and I look back wondering if I had some inkling that they were infertile from that, but I really don't think I did. They were very friendly, and they asked us to sit with them during the service. I asked Mike if they had any children, and he said, "Not yet." That was all. Then the service started, and I didn't give it much more thought.

As the service was ending, God spoke very clearly to me and startled me. He said, "You have to ask Paula if she's having trouble getting pregnant. And you have to do it now." I argued with Him. This was an outrageous thing for Him to ask me to do! After all, I would be hurt if someone asked me that question who didn't even know me! But He kept insisting, so as we were getting ready to leave, I said, "I hate to ask this, but are you having trouble getting pregnant?" She said, "Yes! And I've been praying for somebody with the same situation to help!" That day, God gave me the friend that I couldn't have lived without for the past three years. Early on, when we got together, I felt like I was helping her some.

Paula had been battling infertility for about two years at the time, and she was worn down with the fight and very sad. I wasn't far enough along on the journey yet to understand completely, but I would later. Then, miracle of miracles, she got pregnant! I was happy for her, but I thought, "Ok, that's it for this friendship. She's moving on. She doesn't need a sad sack around stealing her joy." So I backed off. But Paula wouldn't let me go. It took me a little while to believe her, but she really meant it when she said, "Look, I couldn't help you before because I was too sad. But now I'm doing well enough to be a support to you. I really mean it when I say that I want to help you and hear all about your sadness." And she did. She meant every word, and that means more than she'll ever know.

She was very, very sensitive to my pain. She always told me that I didn't have to talk about her pregnancy with her if I didn't want to. She probably checked her own joy in my presence far more than she would've liked. But I knew that it was safe to be sad with her, and I knew that she'd share her miracle with me if I wanted. Because she was so sensitive and caring to me, I did want to share that miracle with her.

That little miracle was Sam. He truly is a blessing from God. She prayed all the time that he'd be a happy baby, and she got that gift. He laughs and smiles all the time, and he gave me lots of hugs when I needed them most. Paula trusted me with him from his earliest days, and I really appreciate how much she let me be a part of his life. We would go out doing errands together just about every Friday, and we sometimes wondered if people would look at us and think baby had two mommies because of how we both took care of his needs without much discussion. =) We had the routine down on getting out the stroller and getting him in the restaurant, etc.

Paula always let me cry. She was always there when I needed someone to understand the pain of infertility. She never forgot how much it hurt to be me, and she offered a shoulder and her own tears instead of well-meaning advice when I needed them most. She put my doctor's appointments on her calendar, and she knew exactly when every procedure would take place and when every pregnancy test was scheduled. When I lost our first child, no one was more stunned and hurt with disbelief than she was.

But she never gave up. She believed that we'd be parents some day, somehow, and she knew the perfect times to say that and the perfect times to refrain from saying it. She's been collecting things for my baby and praying for him for years now, long before I had any hope that he'd ever exist. She is pregnant now with her second child (another miracle!), and she's just days from delivery. I can't wait to meet the new little girl Morgan.

I got a package in the mail yesterday from Paula. It's a huge box filled with lovingly wrapped baby presents (I'll show it when I get a new camera). It's sitting in my living room right now, and I woke up last night smiling just thinking about it. I love looking over there and seeing it. Paula waited and waited to give me the perfect baby shower. We moved, and she couldn't do it up the way she wanted to. But I got my baby shower last night. We opened the box on the phone with her.

I may not have another baby shower. We may have bounced around too much lately. But I can't say I haven't had one. Paula made sure of that, and I know that I will not feel a lack of showering because of what she did. In the box was a cd of infertility songs that have meant a lot to both of us over the past years. I played it and cried last night. I cried for all the good times and all the bad times. And I especially cried for my sister in Alabama who shared them all with me. She included a song on there called "Help Somebody Cry" by Greg Long. As it played, I saw a video playing in my head of all the times I've spent with Paula. I saw crying jags on her couch, I saw the day Sam was born, I saw swimming with him for the first time, I saw setting up a tent with her in the woods, I saw Sam dumping her dinner off the table at Wendy's. I saw hours and hours of precious life lived together. Paula has lived these words:

Someone you care about has a broken heart,

You want to be a friend but you don't where to start,

There are no words to speak that could ever be enough,

How you can show them your love.

Help somebody cry, be there for the tears,

God will use your life to show them He is near,

There's no easy way to make it feel alright,

When you don't have the answer why, help somebody cry.

Time will heal the wound, but that doesn't matter now,

So lend a friend your faith, walk them through the doubt.

Sometimes there's nothing you can do,

But hold somebody's hand and pray them through.

There are no words to speak that could ever be enough,

How can you show them your love?

Help somebody cry...

I'm crying right now listening to it. Paula, you will never, ever know how much your love and friendship has meant to me. You were God's hands and God's arms to me when I needed them. When He seemed far away, He sent you to be near. I will never, ever be able to thank you enough for your self-sacrificial love. You took the verses to mourn with those who mourn seriously in a way that many people don't. You always pointed me to the Savior with your example, but you were also real and honest about the times that you didn't want to talk to Him much either. You are a true woman of God with a great gift of compassion. Thank you for sharing that gift with me. Thank you for teaching me that compassion, and thank you for giving me a wonderful example of how to reach out to others with infertility after God has answered your own prayers. I hope to be half the friend you have been to me to someone else that needs a hand. We'll keep passing it on. I love you.

Lower expectations...

I've been musing a bit lately on relationships. I have realized that most of my life, I've been dissatisfied with many of the relationships I have. I'm sure this is because our world is fallen, and humans are quite sinful, me included. We constantly hurt and disappoint each other. Sometimes we hurt each other so much that we might think it would just be better to live on a desert island than put up with the pain that others can inflict, intentionally or unintentionally. My tendency has always been to have very high expectations of my relationships with others. This is a very dangerous and unhelpful way to live, and I'm learning that more and more as I live with a man who has blissfully low expecations of his friends and family. I am an open person, so I expect my good friends to be as open with me as I am with them. If they're not, I tend to get disappointed. Actually, there are lots of things that disappoint me, not just lack of openness. I am really disappointed when the words "I'm sorry" don't appear in the vocabulary of friends and family. I am disappointed when others dismiss or ignore things that are important to me. I am disappointed when people don't reciprocate invitations or take a long time getting back to me when I give one. The list goes on and on. Very few people meet my expectations all the time, and I'm sure that I don't meet their expectations either. I try not to make the kinds of friendship infractions that I despise, but I'm sure I'm not that great at it, and I'm also sure that I break plenty of others' cherished relationship rules. My tendency when I am hurt by something that someone has done is usually to confront them about it. I may do it nicely, or I may wait too long until it boils up inside me, and I spew. I don't recommend the second choice. (I've probably told the truth about my feelings both times, but in the second case, my feelings come out nastier, so they're easier to dismiss.) I'm learning to let go of a lot more little things, personality quirks, etc., that used to bother me, but that's hard work. Frankly, I stink at it, but I'm improving marginally. I'm trying to narrow it down now to things that bother me for some, hopefully, legitimate reason, and things that the other party could possibly change. Then I try to talk them out with the other person. I do that, and sometimes it works great. We reach mutual agreement and compromise. The issue is cleared up, and everybody feels better. Sometimes, though, especially in the last few years, I've realized that trying to talk it out with certain friends and family members doesn't do any good. Talking doesn't help a bit, and sometimes it makes things worse. So what do you do when you are sure that trying to convince another person of their need to change wouldn't do any good? What do you do when you've already explained their offensive conduct and nothing changes? You give up. And you lower your expectations. You love them anyway, and you swallow your disappointment in a less than ideal relationship. "Lower expectations" are the new buzz words for me. I have learned that if I just expect less from my relationships, I am so much less likely to be disappointed. If I visit friends or family, and I have this picture in my head of how the visit will go, I am inevitably disappointed. But if I go with no preconceived notions and no expectations, I usually end up having a good time. Expect nothing, or possibly even, expect something subpar, and you're not going to be let down. =) It works for me! Because others owe me nothing, and I am called to expect just that. I owe them Christ's love without anything in return, and I've got to remember that. I've got to remember that I should give them my tunic also if they ask for my shirt. What credit is it to me if I love those who love me all the time? Anybody can do that. It's a lot harder to give Christ's love to those who aren't showing you Christ's love at the moment. This is something I'm struggling with a lot at the moment. It's really hard for me to take some things on the chin. I want to lash out and fight back and teach others a lesson. I want to stand up for my rights. I don't want anyone to walk all over me. I want to discipline others to treat me better. But this is not what Christ calls me to do. He doesn't tell me to set up all kinds of boundaries so that I won't get hurt. He tells me to leave myself open to hurt by giving when it's going to cost me big time and I know it. I am not responsible for the bad behavior of others. I am simply responsible for my response to it. Lower expectations...lower expectations....love anyway...keep your tone kind...keep your mouth shut. I am learning to repeat these things to myself. Hope my mantra helps you.

Job interview

Hi, everybody. Well, this is kind of last minute, and I don't know who or how many of you will be reading this, but I just wanted you to know that David has a job interview. It's tomorrow at 4:00 p.m. (Thursday) if you'd like to pray for him then. "A job interview?" you ask. Yes, I know. It doesn't seem like this should be an interviewing season to us, either, but hey, whatever God wants. David's clerkship doesn't end until next July, so we haven't been too stressed about what comes next just yet. But this interview dropped in our laps, so there it is. If David got this job, it would take us in a new direction that we've been thinking and praying about. Who knows what God wants for us? I sure don't, and I'm not sure I even want to try and figure it out just yet. I have been doing a lot of praying about what comes next for us. I've been struggling to give up all my expectations of what that might look like. It's been tough, but I've been trying. I haven't wanted to fight God about our future location and job prospects, but I've realized lately that I have deeply rooted expectations of what our American dream should look like. If we got this job, a lot of that American dream would come true. Funny, isn't it? Here, I've been trying so hard to give it up, and it looks like it could fall in our laps anyway. Nothing is certain. I may have to go back to struggling and giving it up, but I am smiling right now at the irony. I'll keep you posted if anything comes of it.

Loving on my nephew...

Terri and Isaac came to visit this past week for a long, jam-packed weekend. Terri was in the wedding of an old friend in Richmond, so I traded time with her and my nephew for chauffeuring/babysitting duty. I think I definitely got the better end of the deal. =) They flew into Reagan National on Wednesday, and we drove to Richmond on Thursday night. We stayed with David's Aunt Judy, world's most gracious hostess. Then it was a flurry of activity with all the wedding festivities on Friday and Saturday, we came back Saturday night, and they flew out again early Monday morning. Nobody got enough sleep (we got naps in shifts on Sunday afternoon =), and the time went by way too fast, but I'm soooo glad they came. I haven't seen the munchkin since he was three months old. They were in Germany all summer, and as you know, we were kinda busy then, too, so it's been too long since I've snuggled Isaac. He's 8 months old now! It's hard to believe the time went by so fast. He loves to give hugs, and the first thing he did when he saw me at the airport was give me a big smile and reach out for me. He hugged me for a good, long time. He likes blonde ladies like his mommy. =) He's such a good, adaptable baby, too. He did great considering the fact that we constantly changed his sleeping spots. Poor little guy. My brother and I have always been close, and we've stayed close despite time and distance. I love getting to hold and cuddle his son. Isaac reminds me so much of Vance's baby pictures and the tapes of him laughing that Mom keeps around. It's eerie because they're so similar right now. I know that he'll change a lot, and as he gets older, he'll become more and more his own person, but it's neat to see the family resemblance right now. I'm looking forward to seeing some Terri in there, too, one of these days. =) I think some of his squeals and noises come from her side of the family. The whole package is adorable. It was really hard to let them both go, and it hurt to hug him goodbye. We don't see them enough. It made it a little easier that I'll be holding my own little boy in my arms before I know it. It was nice to have a "starter" baby boy to practice on. =) And seeing David with a sleeping boy in the stroller was a big heart melter for me. I can't wait. I hope my little guy comes on time so we can have family birthday parties together with his big cousin.

At 26 weeks...

This picture was taken at the black tie dinner held at the Supreme Court to celebrate 15 years of David's justice being on the bench. I think I'm about 20 weeks here. I managed to find cheap maternity formal wear, and we bought David a tuxedo. We got a good deal, and it was cheaper than renting twice this year, which he will be doing. Isn't he handsome? =) I love him in a suit or tux.

This picture was taken right before we went to the Virginia State Fair. I'm 24 weeks here. It's one of the last pictures taken before our camera bit the dust. But praise the Lord, our SD memory card came back to life with all the photos on it that we took that day!

Terri took this picture of me a couple of days ago on her camera, so this is the most recent photo of my tummy. =)

Whirlwind of activity...

I had a great time visiting my oldest friend (known longest, not youth challenged) in New York this past weekend. I don't have time to post about it now, though, because I got back in town in barely enough time make lesson plans and teach preschool and turn around and get ready for company! Terri and Isaac are coming in this afternoon! Terri has a wedding in Richmond, so I get to tag along and babysit my adorable nephew. I've been cleaning all morning, and I think my cleaning days are rapidly coming to an end. I had trouble leaning over the bathtub, and I have a cleaning product headache that I don't like. I guess you won't be using a very clean bathroom if you come to visit me in the next few months. I'll give you some Clorox wipes and you can go in at your own risk. =) I'll post about all the festivities after they're over. Oh, and our camera and cell phone have definitely met their maker. They've gone to that electronic graveyard in the sky. If anybody has any tips on what to replace the camera with, I'm open to suggestions. I really like the ease of use of Kodak, but I'm not sure I get the best quality pictures possible with it. I'm just not sure on this one. I've been looking at a Canon Power Shot in 7 or 8 mp. There are some good deals to be had on the web. I want it to be small enough that I can carry it around easily, it has to have a standard SD memory card, and it has to take double AA lithium batteries. I have decided to reject some cameras because they didn't have these features. Oh, and a viewfinder. I really dislike framing my pictures using an LCD screen. I'm not sure how easy Canon is to navigate for someone who just wants easy point and shoot capability, so if anybody knows anything about them, let me know. I also dislike that their LCD screen gets complaints about poor color and resolution, but the actual picture quality seems to be universally raved about. Hmmm. I hate making decisions like this, and I have a hard time spending a big chunk of money at once without knowing what I'm getting. The restocking fees charged (15% of the camera price to return it!) make me nervous. Grrr. Retailers need to get better about this. So that's the random stuff I'm dealing with at the moment. Now off to take a shower before picking up Terri and Isaac!

Lost....again...

This is going to be a bit of a rant. One of my least favorite things in the world is getting lost. I hate it. In case you hadn't noticed, I like being in control, and when I'm lost, I'm definitely not. It's a huge hassle and inconvenience, and I despise it. Combine my natural distaste for getting lost and going even five minutes out of my way with this area and its horrendous traffic, erratic road signage, and large concrete medians that ensure that you can't go back the way you came, and you have a recipe for road rage. My road rage, specifically. This morning, I attempted to go to an impromptu brunch at the home of one of the girls in my small group. Of course, like everyone else in our small group, and everyone else in our church for that matter, she lives about 30-45 minutes south of us. No one we go to church with lives near us, and this is another matter of great frustration for me. So I set out with what I thought were very clear Mapquest directions off of a major road that I've traveled many times. I set the trip odometer to record the mileage to where I was supposed to turn. I was feeling confident. That was dumb. I couldn't find the turn. I looked and looked, but as far as I know, someone took down the sign for Oak St. last night. No one had heard of it, either, so I guess that same guy went around with a memory erasure gun and cleansed the memories of the local inhabitants of the existence of Oak St. Combine that with the fact that everybody around here drives 10 mph slower when it so much as sprinkles, and it quickly became apparent that I wasn't going to make it. I have to be at the train station at 1:30 to hop a regional to New York for the weekend, and I knew that I'd only be able to stay an hour at the most under the best of circumstances. So, amid tears of anger and frustration, I turned around and went home, my coffee cake cooling next to me on the passenger seat. Why, you may ask, didn't I call and ask the homeowner for help? Because our cell phone drowned last week, and I didn't have a phone number, only an email address. We're new to the care group, so we don't have an address list yet. I know this could've been avoided with better planning, and the lack of that is my fault. I also should've just known it'd probably be too tight on time to go, and I shouldn't have attempted it. I should've expected that I'd get lost, but I guess I still have some stubborn optimism left. You'd think I would've learned by now. I feel like we get lost all the time, and I'm sick of it. When it happens, I scream, "I hate this town. I hate this town. I HATE THIS TOWN!" at the top of my lungs. So please pray for my road rage and frustration. And if you know someone who's recently moved to your area, please feel pity for them when they show up an hour late with a defeated glaze in their eyes. Please give them thorough directions that a monkey couldn't mess up, even if the place they're looking for is on the street where they live. Moving is so hard, and getting lost is some of the worst of it. And if you find Oak St., say hi to it for me.

Dreaming of baby...

I had the most interesting dream last night. It was weird, and it was vivid, and it was great all at the same time. I dreamed that I discovered that I could see the baby by sitting in the sunlight at a certain angle in the afternoons. Somehow, it made my skin translucent, and I could see right through my stomach. My view of him was like I was sitting back and looking at someone else's tummy (don't ask me how that works), and I remember feeling so happy to be able to see him and interact with him. In my dream, he had dark hair and a big smile, and he grinned at me when I looked at him. He didn't look much like a newborn, but he was very tiny. He was floating around, and he seemed so happy. I loved that I got the chance to check on him every day. He got tangled up in his umbilical cord, and he was choking, but since I could see him, I knew what was going on. I somehow pushed my fingers around on top of my stomach and got the cord untangled. After that, I was a little worried, but I knew I'd be able to use this light angle thing to check on him again, so I didn't worry too much. At the end of my dream, a little girl came and asked me to take the baby out so we could play with him, so I did. Somehow he was out, and I could hold him for a minute, but I told her that I had to put him back really soon. For some reason, I could get him out, but he couldn't be out for long before he had to go back in and keep growing. At that point, I woke up. I guess this is just my brain's way of processing my desire to hold my son. I also figure it's about wanting to make sure that everything is ok with him. I wish for that, and I can't do it right now. I have to trust God to untangle cords and make sure amniotic fluid is ok. It's really hard for me to let go and trust that this baby will be born alive and healthy. Life doesn't come with guarantees. I have to work on not worrying about things I can't ever control, but for now, it's nice to see my little man in my dreams.

Prayer for inanimate objects...

Hi, everybody! I was planning to post some pictures of our fun day at the fair, but unfortunately, I am unable to do that at the moment. Toward the end of the day, I put my water bottle into our bag without the lid completely closed. A kind lady mentioned to David that he was leaking, but by then it was too late. Our digital camera (even in it's case) and our cell phone were floating in a pool of water. We've been drying them out for a couple of days now, but so far, neither is showing signs of life. I'm really sad about this. The camera will not be cheap to replace, it's definitely not under warranty for water damage, and if there's any year I don't want to go without a camera, it's this year. I know this may seem like a small worry to some, but this is going to be a tight year for us financially, so prayers that these two pieces of important electronic equipment would spontaneously come back to life would be greatly appreciated. Oh, and if you have a digital camera, I would highly recommend investing in a waterproof camera bag. I've learned my lesson the hard way...