Bummed, no, fine, no, bummed...

Yesterday was kind of a bummed day. I was babysitting for a friend by prearrangement, but yesterday wasn't a good day to be doing that. Seth didn't sleep great all weekend, and he wasn't wanting to nap good there. He was a total pill. And I wanted down time at home, too. Laundry and grocery shopping are still calling my name.

I was sitting on the stoop last night, and I realized that I was bummed about losing the house. I'd been ok with it before, but I wasn't yesterday. I realized what I'd liked so much about it was the private feel it had from sitting so far back on a large lot with plenty of trees. That's rare around here. And to top it off, I noticed that the house I'd been trying to talk myself into buying a couple of weeks ago... similar ranch, a little smaller, similar size lot, similar price... was already gone. That told me again what a good deal this one had been.

I was talking on the phone to a friend about it, and I also realized that part of the problem I was having too was that I was bothered by mishearing God's voice on this. It just seemed like too many coincidences to be coincidence, you know what I mean?

David had just talked me out of quitting looking the night before, saying he had a feeling there was something out there. I go to the pool, and there's a girl there who's never come to playgroup before, and she tells me about it. I go by right away, and its perfect. We'd decided not to keep looking with this realtor, so there was no problem there, and it helped us be competitive in bidding. I even thought some similarities with the owners seemed like more than coincidence, too. She decorates with country antiques like me and my mom, her husband knows David's boss, and his boss used to be on a board with my dad, we're from the same county, etc. I know it may not seem like a lot from the outside looking in, maybe you had to be there, but it sure seemed like something to us.

I don't want to mishear. I want God to be able to lead me because I'm looking for His will on the "not so plain cut" things in life like house buying and pet getting and Bible study choosing, etc. So it bothers me if I misunderstand hugely.

I talked to David about this last night, though, and he agreed that it really did seem like God wanted us to bid. The natural reason to us was that we were supposed to get the house. But... that doesn't have to be the reason. We agree that God made it clear that we should bid, so we did what we think He wanted us to do... but it doesn't have to follow that the reason why He wanted us to bid was so we could live there.

This is the time when blogging really becomes journaling for me. It gives me a chance to process by writing out my thoughts and feelings about something. This is a lesson I've learned before and will probably have to learn again. I'm sure I'll have good days and bad days while we're house hunting. Thanks for "listening."