Please check part of your brain at the hospital door...

Please accept this as the semi-psychotic ranting of a woman who is waiting for one life to end and another life to begin =)...

I've been thinking about the two parts of my brain. For today's purposes I will call them "mommy brain" and "grad student brain." I think I have them in equal chunks, and at different points in my life, I've used different parts of them. During my time in graduate school at UAB, I was teaching preschool. At preschool, I used mommy brain. At UAB, I used grad student brain. At home, I used both depending upon my mood.

I love my mommy brain. I've always enjoyed craft projects and creative kid games. I love spending time with my preschoolers. I like to blow bubbles, and I like to sing silly songs. The more motions, the better, in my opinion. I enjoy playing with brightly colored plastic toys. I liked Veggie Tales in college. My college nursing home team did a skit to "Where Is My Hairbrush?," and I played Larry the Cucumber. I want to figure out the best ways to interact with children on their level, and I love it when I come up with a new thing that they enjoy. I like tickle fests and making silly faces. I love little kid hugs and kisses. I have greatly benefited and enjoyed conversations with moms about breast feeding, the best kinds of diapers and wipes, nap time schedules, and essential baby gear.

I also love my grad student brain. I have always been interested in learning. I am a voracious reader. I was a good student, and there are days when I miss being in school. I got my undergraduate degree in political science, and I got my M.A. in history this May. I consider myself intellectually inclined. I enjoy good political discussions, and I am not afraid of a good intellectual argument, as long as it doesn't get personal. I enjoy researching dead people and forgotten times, and some of my master's work has been published in the University of Alabama at Birmingham Historical Review. I enjoy discussing the implications of various interpretations of the Constitution's dormant commerce clause with my husband. I want to think deep thoughts, and read deep books. One of my favorite dinner party discussions was about the law and economics implications of having too many choices. =)

But I'm starting to get a little worried about grad student brain, folks. I'm having more and more conversations about diapering and less and less conversations about law and economics and British 19th century Evangelicals. I know, I'm a geek, and most people don't have those kinds of conversations with me because they're not all that interested in them. That won't change when I have kids, and that's just fine with me. But is my brain going to change when I have this baby? All of a sudden, or maybe gradually, am I going to lose grad student brain? Will I be able to remember anything about some of the things I used to enjoy, or will all of that get buried underneath "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and trying desperately to remember how many poopie diapers Seth had today? How do I preserve some of grad student brain?

There were several years there when I worried that I wouldn't really ever get to use mommy brain like I wanted to. Now, I worry that I will lose another part of myself that I consider to be just as precious. I know that I can't have it all. Nobody can. But I don't want to lose big chunks of me in the process of becoming a mom. When people look at me, I don't want "mommy" to be all they see. I certainly want it to be a large part of what they see, but I don't want them to think that I don't ever think about the theological implications of suffering and the sovereignty of God or possibly the fascinating worldview of medieval nuns. And more importantly, when I look in the mirror, I don't want "mommy" to be all I see. God has given me the desire and the ability to learn a lot of neat things, and I don't want to forget them, and I don't want to quit nurturing my interest in them, even when I barely have 5 minutes a day for myself. So if anyone has any ideas on how I can continue to find time to read history books and keep up with conservative politics while effectively and lovingly parenting small children, please let me know. Yes, I know you new moms may be laughing, but I do want your help. I just don't want to check part of my brain at the hospital door...