Taking them places….

They look so serene in this picture, don't they? The reason I took this picture was because this isn't usually my view, and I captured it to remember that it is this from time to time. :)

Yesterday, I was at a park playdate for local homeschoolers. Plenty of kids and moms were there, toddlers to middle schoolers, and the moms stood around chatting while the kids played in the trees, on the playground, in the big field across from the playground, etc.

The playdate lasted until 3, and I'm sure that some families probably stayed that long. Me? I was very ready to go at 1:30.

Here's the reason why: I spend my whole time at these kinds of events wondering when I'm going to lose at least one of my children.

I can't trust any of them not to get lost. My oldest has no desire to get lost, but because he has very little  natural sense of direction, and because he isn't that aware of his surroundings, it's very easy for him to get lost even yards from where I am and start crying, get worried, etc.

Ditto for my second born, but he's even less aware than my first, and he's also passive aggressive. If he doesn't want to come with us, he doesn't. He dawdles until he's very far behind. Because he has little awareness of his surroundings, he can also get lost easily even if he doesn't choose to.

My youngest has the most awareness of where he is, but he simply doesn't care at this point if he gets lost. He runs off for fun. He's only 3.

So the other moms stay and chat and have a good time, and I am constantly scanning my surroundings for all three, and usually none of them are together. Yesterday, I felt sorry for myself. A lot.

I was telling David about how I felt last night, and I started ranting about how even one of them not getting lost easily would be huge. There's a trip to an orchard planned for next week with a group I could join up with, and there are moms of many and moms of many littles going. But taking my three to a big place with lots of trees that look alike right now? That sounds like my worst nightmare.

I know it'll get better for me one day, but right now, life with these three children still has specific limitations that it feels like other moms that are in a similar situation don't have. I get angry about that sometimes. I just want it to get easier, dang it!

David agreed with my assessment, and as further proof, he lost Seth this morning when he took all three out biking on a greenway trail. Seth hadn't noticed where they'd stopped for a minute to look at something or something like that, and he got left behind. He asked a jogger for help. In the meantime, David had to ask a family to stay with Evan so he could bike back and look for him. Just hearing about it made my blood pressure go up.

Gah! Anyway, this has been bothering me, so I blogged it out. There. Maybe now I'll feel better. :)