minutia on Tuesday...

- On my 6th day of doing Barre3. I'm mostly doing 10 minute workouts, though I threw in a 30 minute workout on Sunday. I took a day off on Saturday. I'm hoping that doing this will be more efficient and effective than the once-a-week Jazzercise class I was doing. So far, it feels that way. I'm slightly sore all over most of the time. My sock and rice hot pad has gotten lots of use already. :) Guilt powers me through if I start trying to make excuses why I can't do a 10 minute workout during nap time. Yay, guilt! :)

- A tree service sent out someone to give me a quote this morning. I got sticker shock. The rotten limbs and limbs too close to the house may be coming down, but I think the huge pine will have to stay where it is for now. $1200 to remove one tree!

- The presence of the tree guy got me thinking about how uninspired I am sometimes to want to put a lot of time and effort into keeping up this house. Though I love many, many things about living in a city- close proximity to friends and parks, etc…. I grew up on 20 acres of beautiful country. (You've seen the pictures, people.) I miss all the green space, and frankly, I miss privacy. I miss not worrying about whether or not the neighbor next door is fixing up her house to sell, and if so, who is she going to sell to?

Ok, just one example. And this is in winter even. 

What do you do when you learned growing up that "home" is not just wherever your family is? For me, home feels like a physical place, even though I know that that's not rational or even desirable. I have had nightmares that my parents sold the farm and have woken up with tears running down my cheeks. "Home" means (in my subconscious) "lots of woods and trees and a custom built home that fits your family's needs perfectly. Oh, yeah, and a 2-car garage and no close neighbors and a full basement and a utility barn for the tractor." Not that we would need the tractor or anything, even though David has learned how to drive one. :)

Anyway, I don't always feel the tension of this, but I do today. I've changed a lot since I left Oak Ridge, but some definitions in my heart don't change easily. Being suburban feels like a real stretch today.

Maybe part of it is the worry that I'm going to know less and less how to do a suburban life the older my boys get. My brother and I spent a lot of time outdoors. We did not belong to the local pool. Vance spent hours on gardening. It's probably a big part of why he's a horticulturist today. I spent hours at my horse barn, and they were hours well spent in learning responsibility and getting great exercise. I rode my horses through the back field and around my uncle's lake. We had so much space in which to be busy.

My boys are going to be a different kind of busy, and its going to involve less nature and probably more bike riding. It's going to be a more social kind of busy. They'll have more classes, probably, and more service projects.

But I wonder if they will have less rest and beauty in their lives because they're missing out on running through fields and woods anytime they want.

One thing is for sure… when Daddy calls to tell me that they're mowing hay out back the next day, I'm dropping everything, and we're going. :)