my body….

…. as in, I’m sick and tired of it.

I spent almost the month of May feeling terrible because of horrible allergies. There was at least a week of being unable to sleep because of coughing.

I went to the doctor because I felt so bad, and because I’d recently had a baby, she decided to check all my thyroid levels. Sooo, I got to be worried about that, and I got a $200 bill for the panel of tests I had…. and it ended up being allergies. I figured this out no thanks to the P.A. I saw. I should charge myself $200 and do something fun with it.

Soooo back I went to the doctor later because the allergies had gotten so bad that I had an ear infection that wouldn’t respond to pain meds and was making me cry. This time I was told to take an antihistamine, nursing or no nursing. By then, I was in so much pain that I couldn’t have cared less if I had to start giving him formula….

Which I’ve had to do once a day for awhile now because I don’t produce enough milk. This is a kick in the pants for me because of trying to avoid medication because of protecting the nursing, thereby making me so sick I wanted to scream (see above).

I don’t produce enough milk probably because I got my period back 3 stinkin’ months after Ben was born. I really think it affected my milk production. I had enough for my other babies, skinny as they all are.

And now it looks like I have this… Yup, these symptoms are mine. Horrible bloating that makes me look 6 months pregnant, nausea, anxiety, gas, intestinal issues, and now I know why I’ve kept having this regularly for several months. I can stop worrying about having stomach cancer and leaving my babies motherless, but I get this fun to look forward to every month.

This month has been particularly bad, and it basically screwed up my weekend at the beach. Yeah, that family trip that I packed for and struggled mightily to enjoy because I was a hormonal wreck.

I have about zero faith in the medical establishment right now because of their inability to figure out what is wrong with me and their ability to take lots of my money and give me nothing in return but worry, so yeah, I don’t feel like taking myself to a doctor anytime soon. But if this doesn’t go away after I wean Ben, I am going to pound on my obgyn’s door until somebody listens to me and gives me an ultrasound to check for ovarian cysts.

(This isn’t the first time that doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. I had bladder urgency so bad and so often after Seth was several months old that I went to a urologist for it. I had a CAT scan, and he couldn’t find anything wrong with me. I, once again, had to figure out that it was because of my monthly cycle patterns, and it went away after a few months.)

Years of not ovulating, and now that it looks like I’m ovulating again, there’s no benefit for me, and I get to feel bad for a week every month. Fabulous.

So I feel old and tired and angry because my beautiful babies have screwed up my body, and I feel like I’m never going to feel good for long again. I should’ve had my babies in my early 20’s. Oh wait, I tried that, and it didn’t work….

Rant over.