with my cocoa…

Sittin’ here in my chili pepper pajama pants, just drinkin’ my cocoa…

Evan’s playing happily around the corner with some sort of rattly thing…

And I enjoyed this blog post a minute ago…

David is awesome that way, too. When I feel like I’m not on top of anything at the moment, like everything is falling apart, he’s there with a kind word of encouragement for me… and best of all, he reminds me that I’m doing the main things that really matter to our family…

Which reminds me… I haven’t really been feeling all that on top of it lately. I was talking to him last night, and I realized that I’m a little discouraged about how the things I’ve taken on are going…

A couple of ideas that I had for MOPs didn’t go as stunningly as I’d hoped they would. Leadership told me they were good ideas and supported them. They went fine… but didn’t get the participation I was hoping for. So I’m a little confused and discouraged about that. Numbers don’t mean anything, Ellen. Just keep repeating it to yourself…

I feel like I’m not as good of small group leader as I’d like to be. And I’m not exactly sure how to improve… other than give more of myself and my energy than I’m feeling like I want to invest right now. But I’m not sure that even that would help, so why gamble, right? Again, nothings going badly, but I was just hoping for more assurance that all is well and meeting all the needs of the ladies, and I’m not sure it is. Maybe I’m just expecting too much feedback…

I’m planning on being a leader again next year. I think they need me to be because of the general need for leaders. But I’m wondering a little if I should keep going or not… I want to step out of the way if another person would be a better leader to the group at this time than I would.

Finding the right balance for family and service to others only gets more complicated the more children I have. It seems like there are an endless number of good things I could be doing. I don’t want to sacrifice “best” for just good.

And speaking of best, I’m going to go cuddle the baby now and get off this computer… =)