Talents...

I did all my Bible study for the week yesterday. True confession. =) But I did half during the day and half about 11:30 p.m. last night, while I waited for my pumpkin cranberry bread to cool enough to put on the orange glaze. (Yes, I'm holiday baking already.) But... it was a big whammy to the conscience all at once.

This week's lesson was on Luke 8, and there are several parables included there, like the parable of the sower and the seed. There are many times in my life where I feel like I'm the seed that fell on shallow ground who withered when hard times came because she had no root. When I see how much my faith took a hit by the hard time of infertility, I know how shallow it really was and is. And I feel that. Too often.

One of our cross references in the study this week was Matthew 25, the Parable of the Talents. Go here to read it. Got it? Good. One thing that both of these parables have in common is that they highlight the fact that we're supposed to do something with what God has given to us, grow a crop, invest in the kingdom of God, etc. And... if we don't invest, what we have will be taken from us. That's a big kick in the pants.

See, I can think of some things that I don't have anymore because I stopped investing in them. I took piano lessons for 6 years, but I've barely played for more than 10 years. I didn't use my talent, and I essentially lost it. I stumble and bumble all over the keys now. It's pathetic. So I see what God is saying when he says what he's given will be taken from me if I don't use it. But it still stinks.

See, sometimes, I'm like that worthless, lazy servant. I say to God, "Hey, God, you're a hard man." That's what the servant called him. What I think he's saying is, "Hey, God, I don't like you very much. I'm afraid of you, but I don't really want to do what you say because I'm ticked at you. So, since I'm afraid of screwing up, and I don't like you right now, I'm not going to do anything much." And God's response isn't too encouraging. As the servant might have predicted, he gets angry and throws him into the darkness.

So where does that leave me, a person with puny faith trying hard not to be angry at God sometimes because of the things He doesn't explain to me? It leaves me feeling like I'd better exercise my talents, or else, and also like maybe, if I did use the talents that He gave me a little better, maybe I wouldn't be so confused, frustrated, and angry sometimes. Maybe I would have more faith through the working out. Maybe, just maybe, I'd produce a much better crop. But I sure hate having my soil tilled to make it take seed better.

Last night, after I did my week's lesson, I played around on the computer, looking at blogs. And I stumbled across this. Bingo. A way to use the talents God has given to me, though I don't know why some days. I may have a puny amount of faith, and I may get angry sometimes, but I do still believe. I have to. And here are people asking questions, and I could answer them in my pj's from my own computer screen. Is it a coincidence that I ran across this right after that big kick in the patootie? I don't know. Maybe I'm the last person someone asking questions about God needs to hear from. I've got plenty of my own. But maybe this would help me remember all those verses I memorized years ago, help me remember why I believed it all in the first place, remember when my faith felt newer and fresher and more exciting... I don't know. Please pray for me that I will do this if its what God wants to me, and that I'll pass it by if it isn't.

Because I am God's field. What will I yield?