better…

I want to be a better mother every day. I want to see noticeable improvement in my parenting every year.

And I get very tired of not seeing improvement in myself. I pray and pray for it. And I feel like it’s a constant struggle, and if I’m not losing ground, I’m not gaining it either.

Basically, I guess I’m sick of being a sinful person stuck in a sinful world.

And today is one of those days when I think my children might be better off in daycare than with me at the moment.

I have allergies, and so does everyone else in the house. The boys are stuffy and snotty, the baby is snuffly, and I haven’t felt the greatest for the last couple of days. I didn’t sleep well last night, and getting up with the baby didn’t help.

So when Evan decided to cry on and off through his nap because he FEELS BAD, and this meant that I got no nap, I was steaming by the time I got him up. And I yelled at him, had a temper tantrum, and had to apologize for it. And I hate being this kind of mother.

I am sick and tired of failing every day at my resolution not to speak harshly with my children. Because I do at some point every day. I am short, terse, frustrated, angry, whatever. And when I do it, I feel like it negates every good thing I’ve done with them all day, no matter how many of those things there are.

Yes, tomorrow is another day. But I feel right now like that doesn’t matter because I’ll just blight it’s promise of a fresh start like I always do. And I’m tired of that.

The end.

UPDATED THE NEXT DAY… I got my sadness out, asked God to forgive me again, and indulged in some “bad day” pizza takeout. And then I cleaned out my nasty van. And cleaned up some of the backyard mess. And felt better, hugged all my babies, and resolved to do better today. Of course, everyone got less sleep last night than the night before. =) We’re gonna make it, sisters in the trenches… yes, we are…

cuddly days…

- It’s raining and chilly, and we’re all snuggled in together in the house. David is reading the older boys an abbreviated version of “Little House in the Big Woods” with Ben sleeping on his lap.

- I had leftover macaroni and cheese for breakfast. It was yummy, and I’m not apologizing for it. I don’t like to eat cereal every morning for breakfast.

- The highlight of my week was the 3 hour nap the boys took yesterday afternoon. I snuggled down in the bed with Ben in the crook of my arm, and we napped. It was the best nap I’ve had since he was born 4 weeks ago, and it felt decadent to lie there and watch his tiny face.

- Seth is ramping up his energy to more boyish levels these days. He sure picked a great time to do it. (Insert sarcastic smile.) Yesterday went a lot better than Wednesday, and I attribute that to us going to the mall playplace for an hour to jump and run after doing an hour of “school.” I can only take so much wrestling and jumping off the couch and crying because “He pushed me!” without going slightly insane.

- BTW, you’re not going to get a lot of sympathy from me when you’re crying after you begged your brother to jump on your head. ‘Nuf said.

- I’m reading a book on raising boys called “Wild Things.” It’s useful, but it’s mildly depressing. Apparently, I’m surrounded by little creatures whose brains naturally lack the impulse control of your typical girl. Good times…

- I did laundry, and it’s been sitting in the baskets clean for a couple of days now. And it’s almost time to do laundry again! =) I’m ok with this, but I am wondering when I’m going to find a good time to fold it. If the baby would be willing to be put down some, that might help. =)

- BUT… I love holding my tiniest man. And I don’t want to give it up because I have older boys to take care of. It’s a little more challenging to do much this way, but with the help of the sling, we’re functioning. And if he gives me an hour in the morning when he’s willing to sleep out of my arms, I can get a ton done with the boys!

- We had our college student over last night. He ate what was delivered to us from friends, and I didn’t feel guilty about that, either. I want to be able to see people occasionally, even if I’m not up to cooking for them. We played a game with him. We both kept forgetting and moving other people’s pieces. We were a pathetically easy conquest for Josh, but he was nice enough to play with us anyway. He’ll understand one day. =)

- I’m going shopping today for “fat pants.” My bestie is going with me, and only because she’s also got a postpartum body, and she can handle ugly crying. She insists on calling them “step down” pants. Whatever. They’re fat pants. It’s time to make friends with ridiculous amounts of spandex in my jeans.

- Oh, and Evan walks beside the stroller now whenever we go somewhere. He puts one hand on it to “help” me push Ben. Yesterday, he wanted to stop every few feet through the store to spontaneously lean over and give Ben a kiss. They both adore him…

easy teacher gift…

Hey, y’all. Writing with Ben in a sling. I think we’re going to be using it a lot in the future. He likes human contact a lot. =)

We’re doing pretty well. It was kind of a rough week. My mom was here helping me, and that was great. It was especially great because David ended up having to work very late every night of the week. The poor guy… It was hard on all of us. And I think I’m about ready to start the “new normal” around here. Monday is my first day without help. Pray.

But anyway… I thought I’d give you a tip for a really easy teacher gift. I have no energy for crafting right now, but I wanted to do something for the Sunday school teachers who faithfully taught my boys during the last year. I taught a class myself, so I know how much a little gesture can mean. And this will be a very little gesture. =)

First, go to the store and buy some packs of Snickers bars. Then buy a bag of Hershey Hugs.

Go home, and drag out a couple of plain colored gift bags that you’ve been hoarding from your stash of used bags.

Open Microsoft Word and type the following:

“Hugs and kisses” to some awesome teachers that have “really satisfied” this year. =) We will miss you. Love, Seth

Then Google “pictures of Snickers” and click on one of the images given. Right click on that, click on “print picture,” and print out a couple. Cut out the pictures and glue on your printed message. Glue the whole message to the front of the gift bag and fill with the appropriate amount of candy.

You’re done! You’ve got an easy teacher gift that even the sleep deprived mother of a newborn can create. Now, let’s hope she actually remembers to take it to church tomorrow…

Mmmmmmmm bop…

Ok, time to embrace all the possibilities of a future of 3 boyness! And here is one possibility… heh heh. =) Three brothers, evangelical homeschooling family…. do I smell a winner? =) Here we have Seth on guitar, Evan on keyboard, and Ben on drums.

Seriously, though, when we walk around the neighborhood, and I hear the sounds of badly played 80’s music screaming from open garage doors, my first thought is, “Thank God we don’t have a garage.”

And please, please, boys, please don’t tell me you want to grow out your hair…

 

Homemade board game…

The week before Baby Ben came into the world, I was feeling like doing some last minute crafting. It’s a nesting thing for me, I think. =)

Anyhoo, I ran across this tutorial online. I had a lot of colored card stock, and I had half a piece of white posterboard left from making signs for our yard sale. I used different colored buttons for the playing pieces, and after about 10 minutes of work, I had a personalized toddler game!

I gave this one away as a birthday present to my bestie’s little girls. I hope they’ve enjoyed it.

One of the things I like the most about this game is that it’s more interactive than most board games. You can actually do things, like jump up and down, when you land on a space. That is bound to keep a toddler’s interest better than Candyland… well, maybe a boy toddler’s interest. I don’t know what those things called “girls” like to play as far as games go. =)