Hello, Peanut!

We had our first ultrasound today! Since I'm still with the infertility clinic for monitoring, they take care of everything. Anne was the nurse who did our ultrasound, and when she called us back, she gave me a hug and said a heartfelt congratulations. Then she looked at David and said, "He was right, wasn't he." Then I remembered that she'd called us back when David had wanted an early pregnancy test because he was just sure I was pregnant (we didn't get one). Anyway, Anne is a thoughtful and cautious person, and she wants to make sure that you don't worry, so before she started the ultrasound, she said, "This is six weeks. Everything is just fine if we only see an egg sac and no baby. Not seeing a heartbeat is fine, too." Well, our baby was ready to show off. He/she was sitting there, looking like he was leaning back in a little recliner. We could see his little body, and his heart was beating away. Anne said, "Wow, you can see the heartbeat even before I magnify the picture." It was amazing. Before today, there was part of me that wondered if they'd gotten my chart mixed up with someone else's, and this whole pregnancy thing was a big mistake that they'd made. I was a little nervous because I have had probably about 50 ultrasounds at this clinic, and they might give me bad news or good news about our treatment, and you would just never know which it would be. I was a little afraid we'd get more bad news. But it wasn't bad news! There's a baby there, and his heart is beating! It's amazing to realize that there is a whole separate life inside of my body. It's so separate that it has its own heart, completely apart from mine. I've been careful about eating well before, but I think I'm going to be more careful about eating well now that I've seen who I'm eating for. David teared up when he saw the baby. I think it's tough for the dad to feel like pregnancy is real when he can't feel or see evidence of the baby yet, so I was really glad he got to see our little peanut. Please just keep praying for us. We're moving full swing into moving time with all its little details. I'll probably write more on that later. Craziness!

Psalm 113:9

I'd like to share with you my new favorite scripture. It's Psalm 113:9, and it says: "He makes the barren woman abide in the house as a joyful mother of children. Praise the Lord." I'm expecting a baby. Just writing those words makes me want to cry. I didn't write about this last month's treatment because it was just too hard for me to talk about it. This was our last month of treatment for a long time, probably over a year. We'd decided already that we weren't going to be treated in D.C. because of David's crazy work schedule, so I knew this was it. Each day, it was harder and harder to let go of the dream. So I just didn't write, but we did the shots. Nothing seemed different this time around than last time, so there didn't seem to be any reason to get my hopes up. This year of treatment has been horrible and draining, and it was hard to muster a shred of hope. My faith in God for this was infinitesimably small, but my faithful husband wasn't going to give up. He decided to ask God if he should still hope for pregnancy for this last month of treatment. He really wanted an answer, so he asked for a sign. He didn't tell me about this sign, but he decided to ask that I would start my period to kick off the cycle no more than 5 days after I took progesterone to induce it. Now, the last time I took progesterone, it took 14 days for me to start. So when I started 5 days after the progesterone shot, I was surprised. I told David about it, and that's when he told me about his request. I was still skeptical, but a little more hopeful. David really started seeking the Lord in prayer about this, and a couple of weeks ago, he felt the Lord tell him that I was going to be pregnant. He wanted to really exercise his faith for this, so he went so far out on a limb that it could've broken on him. So he sent out an email to his entire Bible study group at work, and this is a section of it:

"Although I entitled this email "prayer," it might more accurately be described as "witnesses." I have been praying, and I believe more than ever before that God is going to make Ellen pregnant this month. As far as treatment goes, this month isn't any different than last month. From a human perspective, there is no reason to believe that this month will be successful. But I feel in my heart that God is going to make it successful... I am writing to you so that you can be witnesses to this miracle of God...I know that I am human, and I sometimes misunderstand what God is saying. But I feel that God is calling me to exercise faith, and I don't want to come up lacking."

He brought this email home to me, and my heart sank. I couldn't believe he'd done something so risky. I was afraid to believe, so I asked for my own sign. Nothing happened. I was frustrated and worried about him and how he would feel if he was wrong. Now I think that I didn't get any answer to my request so David would be tested to believe despite me. =) The doctor's office did a blood pregnancy test on me on Monday, and my results are really good. My HCG level (pregnancy hormone) was 107.7, and it only has to be 20 for me to be pregnant, so that's good. I feel some abdominal twinges already from my uterus stretching, and I didn't have that before. I'm on progesterone supplements as a precaution, and I'm being watched like a hawk by my specialist. At this point, I'm considered a high risk pregnancy because of the previous miscarriage and because of my infertility. I should be worried, I guess, but I'm not. Please pray that I won't become afraid. And pray for the health of this baby. A friend who had a condition that made her miscarry multiple children gave me this advice: "Don't let what happened last time steal your joy over the pregnancy you have today." I'm learning more and more that every day I have with this baby is precious, and I want to enjoy every moment I have. I am due on January 25, 2007, and my first trimester is over on July 12th. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the years of faithful prayers that you have sent to the Father for me. He is the Great Healer.

P.S. The picture is of the two kinds of cards I'm getting these days. When I put them side by side, it makes me grin like an idiot. I dreamed that I'd be pregnant on graduation day, and I was!

Graduation day...

Well, here we all are on graduation day. Yes, I did it, I graduated with my M.A. in History on May 8. My parents came (they're on the left), and David's parents came too. I spent two and a 1/2 years working on this degree while working part time. I loved the intellectual challenge, and I'm going to miss my professors and all the class discussion. I will not miss the endless papers. =) There were some times when I wondered why I was doing this, and there were days when I hoped I wouldn't get the chance to finish because my heart was so divided, but I'm glad that I made it. Notice the master's hood that I'm wearing. I really wanted to walk just so I could wear the hood. You should see it from the back; it's pretty impressive. Anyway, a lot has been going on, so that's why I haven't posted in awhile.