Hi, all. I had a lovely birthday weekend. My parents spoiled me rotten, as they always do when we visit the Ridge. But this post isn't about that...
Whenever I go down the long driveway at my parent's house, I instinctively look to the left. That's where you'll find my baby's tree. (See the post in the sidebar called "Our Tree" for a picture). Each time I see it, it looks a little stronger and a little bigger. It's a reminder of the saddest, darkest days of our journey to parenthood, and its a reminder that those days were not the end of our story. I love watching it bud and bloom. It still lives and thrives, and so does our sweet one in heaven.
I call it Jacob's Tree. When we found out that we were pregnant for the first time, I was sure that it was a boy. I just had a feeling. I've never had that strong of a feeling about gender with either of my others, and now I wonder if God gave me that feeling because I wouldn't get to hold him on this earth. As I lost him, I kept seeing a beautiful newborn hand in my mind... a hand pulling away from me. I wanted to grab it and hold on to it to keep him from leaving. I begged him to stay. But he wouldn't, and I've never understood why. It's one of the things I want to ask Jesus about when I reach heaven.
My little Jacob has a new friend that just joined him in heaven. And there is a mama that is grieving just like my heart hurt when I lost my littlest one. Please pray for my Sarah today.