Monday, November 03, 2008

I have internet again!

Hi, everyone. I am sitting in my kitchen at my newly hooked up computer. The cable guys came today and hooked me up at the kitchen desk. I am psyched about my new location! From here, I can monitor laundry, cook dinner, and listen to internet music all at once. I can look up a recipe and leave it up on the screen while I make it. Sweet!

And having an internet connection makes me feel connected to my life again. I swear, my blood pressure went down a ton after I saw my Yahoo account. =) I know, I know, it's very sad, but I'm addicted. Being able to get on here and connect in so many ways to local and long distance friends is so important to me.

The move went remarkably well. Ok, well, I knew it would go well with my hard working bro, sis-in-law, and mom and dad on board. They have moved us many times, and the house is always mostly unpacked by the end of the day we move in. They're amazing. This time, however, I think Vance broke a new record. He put up my curtains before the end of Saturday. We all ate Mom's spaghetti bake together around the kitchen table that night.

This is the first day of real settling in for me. I always have a hard time, every move. Those who are helping us probably realize that I'm very mentally fragile during the early days of moving house. =) I'm still grieving the old place and getting used to the sights, smells, and sounds of the new one. It's hard on me, and I have to fight not to be completely overwhelmed. I don't know why this is, but it just is, and though I'm working on becoming a person who is more adaptable, I fight my basic unadaptable personality quite a lot.

Seth, however, is taking to the place like a duck to water. =) He loves walking around the circle of the first floor over and over again. He's rediscovering his toys in his new toy room. The only mishap we have had so far is that he rode his little car right over the step down that separates the living room from the rest of the first floor. No blood, though.

We have been so blessed. We've received so much help from our family and friends. I really should have absolutely nothing to complain about. That only makes it harder when I fight not to complain.... This is a beautiful house. It's far nicer and larger than our other place. It's been freshly painted from top to bottom. The Christian couple who sold it to us have gone above and beyond to make this a good experience. The back yard is large and green and tree covered, and I can see the whole thing through most of the glassed back doors. It's a great house. I am hoping that I'll stop wanting to go "home" soon. Please, no comments about how I should be grateful. I already know that. That's where the guilt is coming from.

It's cold and a little wet here. The wind has shifted or something. The road noise has been the worst the last couple of days that I've ever heard it. My parents both noticed and told me they probably would've told me not to buy the house if they'd known it would be like this. I wear earplugs at night in my bedroom. You hear the interstate the worst there. In the morning, it sounds like the tractor trailers are coming for me. I have been running the washing machine and playing CDs so I don't have to hear it. The noise makes me cringe, and it makes my shoulders stay stiff. I don't enjoy spending time in my bedroom. I made myself sit in there this morning and do my devotions.

I'm telling you this because I want you to understand why I want to go "home." And why I feel like a fool who bought a house in the summer that sounds like its next to the highway in the winter. And I have to move on! I have to! We bought this house. It's ours. There's nothing wrong with the house itself...

Please pray for me. I need it! I don't want to notice this anymore! I just want the traffic to fade into the background. I want to want to take my little boy outside. Not all days are like this... But I've GOT to be able to rest in the Lord and enjoy the blessing of this house every single day, not just on the less noisy days. I've got to find a way to enjoy spending time in my huge, pretty bedroom. I am sick and tired of being an unadaptable person. It's hurting me, and I've had enough of it.

I'm sure I'll write in a few days and say that things are better. Ok, mostly sure. =) My new kitchen is fantastic, and I'm going to enjoy making beans and rice in it tonight. If I can find everything wherever Terri put it. =) And David wants to have an election party tomorrow night. Can I pull together a homemade dessert in this house with no pictures on the walls? I hope so... =) It'll be a nice challenge.


Momma B. said...

Our move personalities are just opposite. I am blissful for the first full week after a move...running mainly on adrenaline. I don't sleep much until the last picture is hung in the perfect spot.....then it hits me. The "now what?" feeling of how to make life happen in this new space. In Fort Worth, we often heard gun shots at night...and the tejano music would shake the plates and things hanging on the walls. After we moved away I MISSED the noise only after that first week. Silly, huh? I never really missed the gunshots though! I will praying that God will soothe your nerves with HIS calm presence! May you experience many blessings in this home!!

Rachel said...

I know this won't help in the daytime, but we sleep with a fan on at night, that would help you alot and probably keep you having to wear earplugs! I don't think I could do that. Give it a try! It might work!

Sherry said...

Ellen, not too long ago I heard about this "mechanism" that God built into our bodies called a reticular activation mechanism. It's a big word meaning that we have a built-in mechanism that tunes out the recurring noises after a while. I know it's bad now, but really after a little while, you won't even notice it. It happened with us when we lived near the rail road tracks and now too while we live right near the air port and huge jets are taking off and landing practically right over our roof. But honestly I don't hear it all the time - only occasionally and it really doesn't even bother me anymore.
It will get better, I promise. Enjoy your new place - I know after a while you will really love it.

Susannah Forshey said...

Aw, I really feel for you. We live 1/10 of a mile from the Army Airfield....and the chinooks and C-17s sometimes sound like they're going to land on our roof! After 3 years, though, we just look at each other sardonically and hit the pause button, waiting until the noise is past. Violet sleeps right through it, now....but it did take some time. And, btw, I still sleep with earplugs. :)

Herb of Grace said...

Rachel and Sherry are right. We do the fan-at-night thing, too and after a the first year didn't notice the sirens at all-- even during the day. The kids sleep right through it, too. (We live right along the route from the police station/EMS to the "bad" section of town)

The Mom said...

HI friend

I know what you mean about getting the internet connected.

Most of my best friends are online, not down the street or in church or family.

Internet connection is SUCH a blessing to our (your) generation, it is hard to imagine relationships without it, grin.

I can't remember where I found your blog, but I check it several times a week, think of you, pray for you, rejoice and weep and hope with you - despite not ever having met you, you are a real person to me.

LOL hope that sounded ok; you have to forgive me, we are just back from a two week trip to a foreign continent with our 12 children who have never been out of the country before.

(YES we finally made it to the US and got our 12 dc registered as US Citizens; we are very very thankful and pleased and proud - in the right way, I hope)

Moving house is not easy. I moved into a house when I married (we'd bought it a couple of months before and it was a *wreck* - no bathroom, no toilet inside (there was one outside), no heating (and I mean NONE) - cold winter.

I moved again 6 yrs later with five children under six; then two yrs after that with seven children, the oldest of whom was 7. And like you, a husband who is a lawyer and works all the hours there are, it seems. (He never took time off except for the ONE day we moved; and no, there was no family around to help, they live 100s of miles away)

Hey, I'm not saying this like I am a great person; just that God can and will work things for good for them who love him, even if it seems tough at the time (our last move was with nine children, oldest 10 yrs old, and we were told on Friday that we had to move the following Wednesday)

(and dh only took the Weds off work :-)

Our help and support is NOT in ourselves; it is not in our dear husbands, dear though they are; it is not in our families, much though they love us.

Our help is in the LORD our God who made heaven and earth.

And I know you are finding it hard, dear sister, with Seth, pregnancy, recovering infertile, and much more you don't say.

But HE IS ABLE. And He will bless his children who wait on him and trust in him. God makes all things perfect in his time.

Sorry so long, hope maybe something helps

katie said...

A little story about our first house- We knew from the minute we walked in the front door that snowy February day that it was meant to be; we just felt it.
We moved in on May 1st with all the snow thawed and walked out into our beautiful backyard - with a massive telephone pole smack-dab in the middle. How did we not notice it? (a strategically placed gazebo and tree hid it well) And, furthermore, how did none of our family that walked through with us (three times) not notice it?! I was sick over it and it felt like a big mistake.
But I know we were meant to be there; we had four great years there - it always bugged me, but I just learned to deal with it, I guess. (and when we were transferred out of state, we managed to sell it in 10 days, telephone poll and all!)
(our first apartment was near a highway and we employed the fan-method which works well - except now I'm addicted to the fan and can't sleep without it!!)

Anonymous said...

I would recommend a "white noise" machine. I use one at night to sleep, and the one I have has other settings for daytime use as well. I also grew up near a railroad track and I never noticed the noise. It is amazing what you can get used to! By the way, our first house was near an interstate and I noticed that the noise was worse in the winter.