Friday, November 07, 2008

Hmmm...

The painters came once again today. They put one more coat of yellow on my living room walls and patched a few things. I am looking forward to the day that this house stops smelling of paint. Anybody know how long that takes? Especially when you've painted almost every room? My dr.'s office tells me that acrylic paint fumes won't hurt the baby, but I don't like the headaches I still get occasionally from them.

My computer desk in the kitchen is a mass of wires hanging over it. I have a Lowes run to make before we cut a hole in the desk to put them all through.

I'm not as grumpy all the time as I sound at the moment. The sun has started shining again, and my new house looks lovely inside in the sunshine. It's really a lovely home. I'll post some before and after pictures at some point.

I think I've nailed down what has been bothering me so much. I think it is the feeling of massive failure that I have. This is the biggest financial decision that I've ever had to make... and I feel like I totally blew it. My self confidence has taken a real beating as a result. I don't even want to decide between two brands of shampoo at the moment.

If I had gone with my gut and said to David, "No, something doesn't feel right here. We should keep looking," that would've been the end of it. He wouldn't have pushed this decision without me. I have no one to blame but myself that I live in a place that I don't like very much at the moment. There is nothing to do now but try to adjust and pray for peace and try to believe that this is where God wants us. After all, I did sincerely pray that God would stop this thing in its tracks if it wasn't what He wanted, and that didn't happen. I meant that prayer sincerely.

Yes, you can call me spoiled and petty. I know that there are much worse things in the world than living in a place with a lot of traffic noise. I know I need to go to Africa and spend a week or two without running water. But I think my main point, however, is that it is hard on a person to realize that they've made a costly decision that they simply can't undo.

Has this ever happened to you? What did you do to get over it? How did you move on and forgive yourself? Are there any Bible verses that were especially helpful to you at the time?

Well, time to get the baby up. We're going to a cocktail party tonight for David's work, so I need to get gussied up. It doesn't start until 8:00! I haven't been to anything that started after the baby's bedtime in forever. =) God bless our wonderful friend, Kim, who is babysitting even though I didn't give her much notice.

2 comments:

Wendy said...

In all seriousness...you'll come to my house tomorrow, and you'll go home absolutely in love with yours, I promise. We didn't get to talk much Tuesday night due to the "exciting" election results that had us a little blue, so hopefully we can talk tomorrow. No chastising from me...Jon & I have spent almost two years now lamenting our home purchase. I still find myself kicking me for it, then feel convicted because of the blessings we've been given. So, I understand where you're coming from, really. We'll talk tomorrow, hopefully.

Perry and Amanda said...

Africa works but right now plane tickets are expensive.:) I know that you will come up with something. Thanks for your honesty because we are not prefectly happy all the time.