Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Bummed, no, fine, no, bummed...

Yesterday was kind of a bummed day. I was babysitting for a friend by prearrangement, but yesterday wasn't a good day to be doing that. Seth didn't sleep great all weekend, and he wasn't wanting to nap good there. He was a total pill. And I wanted down time at home, too. Laundry and grocery shopping are still calling my name.

I was sitting on the stoop last night, and I realized that I was bummed about losing the house. I'd been ok with it before, but I wasn't yesterday. I realized what I'd liked so much about it was the private feel it had from sitting so far back on a large lot with plenty of trees. That's rare around here. And to top it off, I noticed that the house I'd been trying to talk myself into buying a couple of weeks ago... similar ranch, a little smaller, similar size lot, similar price... was already gone. That told me again what a good deal this one had been.

I was talking on the phone to a friend about it, and I also realized that part of the problem I was having too was that I was bothered by mishearing God's voice on this. It just seemed like too many coincidences to be coincidence, you know what I mean?

David had just talked me out of quitting looking the night before, saying he had a feeling there was something out there. I go to the pool, and there's a girl there who's never come to playgroup before, and she tells me about it. I go by right away, and its perfect. We'd decided not to keep looking with this realtor, so there was no problem there, and it helped us be competitive in bidding. I even thought some similarities with the owners seemed like more than coincidence, too. She decorates with country antiques like me and my mom, her husband knows David's boss, and his boss used to be on a board with my dad, we're from the same county, etc. I know it may not seem like a lot from the outside looking in, maybe you had to be there, but it sure seemed like something to us.

I don't want to mishear. I want God to be able to lead me because I'm looking for His will on the "not so plain cut" things in life like house buying and pet getting and Bible study choosing, etc. So it bothers me if I misunderstand hugely.

I talked to David about this last night, though, and he agreed that it really did seem like God wanted us to bid. The natural reason to us was that we were supposed to get the house. But... that doesn't have to be the reason. We agree that God made it clear that we should bid, so we did what we think He wanted us to do... but it doesn't have to follow that the reason why He wanted us to bid was so we could live there.

This is the time when blogging really becomes journaling for me. It gives me a chance to process by writing out my thoughts and feelings about something. This is a lesson I've learned before and will probably have to learn again. I'm sure I'll have good days and bad days while we're house hunting. Thanks for "listening."


The Hoodies said...

Hey Ellen, this is Kelli's friend Heather.

I have been reading your blog quite often these days so thank you for always sharing your heart and mind!

I have been reading your recent entries about looking for a home. Not just a house I am sure, but a home for you, David, and cutie pie Seth.

In September, Fabian and I and our two little ones will have been in our home for two years. This was our first home, but not the first one we bid on. The first home we bid on was IT--or so we thought. God had other plans, and I am so glad he did.

Our bid actually got accepted, but the house had major issues that we did not know until we were mid-inspection. Things quickly began to fall apart. You could not see any of these issues, but our inspector could. He was able to see into the heart of the house with his professional eye and he informed us so many things that weren't quite right. He was so wonderful and I know God placed him there to steer us another direction.

As things went from bright and cheerful at the start of the morning to sad and gloomy my mid-day my world was crumbling in a way I had never experienced. We were looking for a home and when it got pulled out from under us it hurt!

Several weeks later and many, many houses later we found our house. It felt like home from the moment we walked in--we both vowed we wouldn't move in with our minds, but we did. We prayed and thought and finally decided to put a bid in and on that same day so did someone else.

I threw my hands up and knew for a second time we were going to be back to square one, but alas, here we are. I know we would have been very sad had it not worked out, but I also know that the Lord would have had something else.

I hope and pray you don't get too bruised by the bid process and your dream home (even if you can't immediately see it) becomes clear to you and David.

Sorry this is so long! I just remember your feelings so well and it all came rushing back to me the last few days.

Much love and prayers to you!

Ellen said...

Thanks, Heather. I really appreciate your kind thoughts and words. I know you've been there. All this stuff gets you focusing too much on your own stuff and your own life, you know? I'm asking for more grace to be content and excited about where God wants us to live, not about where I want to live. His will first, not my desire for a brick fireplace, right? =)

The Hoodies said...

Brick fireplaces are pretty nice ;-)

It is so hard to be content and to get to that point somedays and truly mean it and not just say we mean it. I pray that God throws the perfect house at you....you know like the scene in the Wizard of Oz :-) Ok, maybe not throws it at you, but presents it and you have an open and willing heart (which I know you will; even if it takes some time to get to that point!)

Amy said...

Hey girl...didn't you get a new email address? I'm not sure I saved it...would you mind emailing me so I can make sure I have the right one? Thanks!