Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving! This year, we're having two Thanksgivings... What's this, you say? Thanksgiving is probably my favorite holiday, but it wasn't my idea to give it a second go round. Nope, it was Vance and Terri's idea. =) Ya see, when Terri bought plane tickets to come home for Thanksgiving, she got the date wrong. So she actually bought tickets for the week after Thanksgiving, next week. No wonder the price was so great! =) Anyway, she figured this out a few weeks ago. The price of changing their tickets was astronomical, so we'll be having two Thanksgivings this year. David and I affectionately call them Real Thanksgiving and Fake Thanksgiving. As in, "What kind of pie do you want me to make for Thanksgiving?" Which one, real one or fake one?" "Real one..." You get the picture. We will not be letting them live this one down for awhile... But that meant that we had Thanksgiving at our little house today. Mom and Dad came, and Mom brought a chicken casserole, and we did up the pies and sides, and I even made homemade rolls. Seth and Dad went out and gathered some beautiful fall leaves for the table. We even had a co-worker of David's who was going to be alone on the holiday. A good time was had by all.
And Seth was a little angel today. He smiled and talked and cooed and played. He sat in his high chair and happily slammed Cheerios into his mouth while wearing his "My 1st Thanksgiving" bib (we're be getting some mileage out of that this year). And I couldn't help but think about how different this Thanksgiving was from the one was had two years ago.
Two years ago, I lost our first child to miscarriage while we were in Pennsylvania for Thanksgiving. All the way to the airport, and all the way home on the plane, I saw his tiny hand in my mind. I saw it slipping away from me, gently waving goodbye as he left me, all alone as I traveled back to Birmingham. I thought that day that Thanksgiving was ruined for me forever.
Last Thanksgiving, I was pregnant with Seth. I was pretty far along, and I could feel him moving around all the time, but that day was nervewracking for me. I couldn't shake the fear that something would happen to him. I wished desperately that he was already out and in my arms where I could see him and cuddle him, where he seemed more safe from harm.
This year, my sweet, almost 10-month-old got to sample the Thanksgiving mashed potatos for the first time. And I am so thankful I got to feed them to him, watch his grandparents spoil him, and read him his books. After I put him to bed tonight, I wished for awhile that I could get him up again to cuddle him. I missed him after he was asleep. This is the best Thanksgiving I've ever spent. Thanksgiving is good again. And I'm so thankful for my little boy. I'm thankful in a way that is made even more meaningful by the Thanksgivings that have gone before.
If you're struggling with infertility and miscarriage this year, I wish I could pick you up and put you in my shoes now and show you how different the view is than it used to be. I wish I could show you that there is hope for a beautiful tomorrow, but I know that you can't see that hope right now. I couldn't when I was where you are. So I'll just pray for you and for a beautiful future that you can't yet imagine. Happy Thanksgiving.

1 comment:

Herb of Grace said...

Ellen, I was looking through your posts from last Thanksgiving (after reading that it was the anniversary of your miscarriage) and noticed pics of some good friends of ours! So you are related to Keith and Kim Sandum and Ian? My husband Jeremiah taught Ian in middle school and Kim was someone who spoke much kindness to me during our own struggle with miscarriage and infertility. Good people!