Thursday, October 11, 2007

Overtures to friendship...

Today at CBS, one of the young mom's in my group (not Friends 1 or 2) said something that led me to believe that she might be inclined to want to get to know me better! Yes! She mentioned that she had a friend that she'd had for awhile that she had gotten to know after she'd noticed that they both seemed to turn up at all the same activities. She said during the course of that, "Like you and I are showing up at a lot of same places." (We are both in CBS and in MOPs). So, what do you think? Do you think that meant she might want to get to know me better, or is it ambiguous?

Well, I didn't know quite how to respond. After all, I'm the New Girl in Town, and it's hard to me to put myself out there to risk getting shot down a wild blaze of glory. I thought about saying, "So, would you like to go to lunch sometime?", but I didn't have the nerve. I mentioned this to David, and he shared with me his Lunch Invite Principle #1.

Lunch Invite Principle #1: Saying "Would you like to go to lunch sometime?" is a non-threatening way to inquire whether or not someone would like to get to know you a little better. It is non-threatening because it's not definite. You aren't asking them for a specific time, so this gives them the opportunity to respond in such a way that shows that they either a) would really like to go, ie. much enthusiasm in tone, positive facial expression, and possible head nodding, or b) don't really want to go, usually indicated by general vagueness, hesitancy, lack of vocal enthusiasm, and occasionally, in addition to these, expressions of general busyness. After you have ascertained whether you've received reaction A or reaction B, you can then proceed to respond accordingly. If reaction A, a proper response might be: "So, are you doing anything next week after class?" If reaction B, a proper response might be: "We'll have to try that sometime," and then you quietly let the matter go the way of all flesh... indefinitely. Then, if they mention having lunch to you later on their own, you can know that you misread their reaction, but there's no pressure on them to go with you.

Just another example of my husband's everyday brilliance =)... We are such dorks... But I do think that he is right about his Lunch Invite Principle #1. What do you think? Do you think we have it wrong, or do you have anything you'd like to add?

1 comment:

Meredith said...

I think that was a definite sign of interest!

The longer I've been a stay-at-home-mom, the more I believe that all of us moms are quietly desperate for friends and conversation, even if we don't look like it.

Normally I would agree with your husband, but I find that it's better to make the first firm overture with other moms. It's usually a relief to both of you!

I say set up a playdate in the park--not quite as commital as a restaurant but plenty of time to talk--and enjoy getting to know one another.

Even if you're not best friend material, at least you've both had a nice outing with the kids.