Thursday, October 04, 2007

Being the new girl...

Today's one of those days when I'm tired of being the new girl...

This morning, I went to my Community Bible Study class. I'm really enjoying the study this year. It's on Kings and the Minor Prophets, and we've spent the last few weeks in 1st Kings. I know I've read this book of the Bible many times before, but going through it more slowly, and being asked specific questions from the reading, is helping me to focus in on the details in ways I haven't done before. For example, I don't think it was in my memory that Solomon himself built altars to and sacrificed to idols, specifically Molech, a god who asked for human sacrifices. Solomon started out so well, so it's sad that he descended to that later in his life. You can find out where turning from God got him if you read Ecclesiastes. His life seems meaningless to him...

But I digress... anyway, CBS's discussion groups are mixed ages. There are more older ladies than younger ones in my group. I'm finding that this is great for discussion and wisdom from the older ones, but it's not so great for me, a newbie looking for mommy friends. There are only 4 women, besides me, in this group who have young kids. I am the only one who has a single baby. One of the women does have a baby, and her older kids are in school, but she has been out a lot lately, and our leader asked today that we pray that she doesn't get discouraged and quit. Drat. Another girl my age has promise, but her mom was visiting with her today, so there goes that after class lunch possibility. And then there's the Best Buds. I figured they might be unavailable as friend potential when Friend 1 introduced herself the first day and said that Friend 2 invited her. Much smiling at each other then ensued.

But today, I was hoping. I walked upstairs to lecture with them, and they asked me to sit with them. They're funny and open and relaxed, and they're women that I think would be fun to get to know better. The lecture started, and it was great, as usual. As it was ending, our group leader, who was sitting in front of me, turned around and asked me about Seth's cold. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Friend 1 bend forward and look around me at Friend 2. She quickly gathered her things and gave me the Shoulder Pat of Doom. You ladies all know this pat. It means, "Nice to see you. I'm leaving now. Goodbye." So, two sentences later, my leader is leaving to go, and I pack up my stuff, watching Friend 1 and Friend 2 chatting animatedly together farther down the row that we were sitting on. They haven't left to get their kids, and they'll be going down to nursery soon too, to the classroom right across from me, but nevertheless, they're in their own world at this point. I know they don't mean to snub me, but I wish for what they have, and I wish they'd take the time to include someone else in their good time.

I fought a bad attitude all the way from the nursery to the van. I continued to fight it all the way to the mall. My original plan, since I was going to go there to pick up some jeans anyway, was to ask if any of the moms would want to join me for a bit. Plan goes down in flames, and I'm sad and lonely and tired. The bloom of my original idea quickly faded, so Seth and I got said jeans, and we went home. I didn't need to spend money on lunch out anyway. Seth and I had a good time playing, but he then proceeded to spit up on my shopping bag and everything in it. He was fussy, and I'm glad that he's now safely in his crib for nap.

Life is still good. God hasn't forgotten me. But finding some adult company when you're a stay at home mom is hard to do.

3 comments:

Christine said...

I hear what you're saying, and I'm praying for you. The beginning stages are so not fun, but I know there are people around you who are soon going to be so blessed by your friendship!

Andrea Casey said...

I'm with you in this arena of life, I'm afraid, Ellen. Sorry you're going through this right now. Good friends, in the same stage of life, are hard to come by it seems. My dh and I are seriously praying about moving back to Texas to be near all of our friends (who all have babies right around the age of ours!) just to have those close friendships again.
I pray the Lord blesses you with at least one incredible friendship in your new home!

chrystal coleman said...

Hang in there!! I love to hear how things are going!! :)